Heart by Heart
by wefallinlovewithstrangers
Summary: Short Christmas Austin&Ally AU. Trish gets fired from her job as writer for the local gossip magazine, but not before she convinces her boss to let Ally write an article on music sensation Austin Moon. Ally goes for it in the hope of showing Austin her song-writing. But when nothing turns out like expected, she finds out you can never really know someone's heart by heart.
1. Chapter 1

I'd always been clumsy. But I have to admit, this was bad. Really bad. Even for me.

"I am so sorry!" I stuttered. My cheeks had flushed dark red, and I was on the verge of crying.

It didn't help that my best friend Trish was also crying.

Of laughter.

The stranger just looked at me in complete horror. He was probably too shocked to yell at me. Or maybe he was still deciding between yelling and just straight up punching me in the face.

Now let me explain you something. When I say that I've always been clumsy, I mean really clumsy.

I mean the kind of clumsy where I actually broke my nose once because I tripped over my own feet and fell against a wall.

The kind of clumsy where no one ever wants to be in the same room as me if I've got any kind of liquid or food in my hands, because I will spill it on you.

The kind of clumsy where any really important moment always gets ruined.

But I had never done anything like this.

Trish and I were at our local coffee shop, where we hang out almost every day. Usually, we would sit outside in the sun, but since it was December and quite chilly, we settled for a table in the corner, the same one every day.

It was our table. It was a routine, to get our morning cup of coffee there, catching up.

I would tell her all about the troubles of school and working in my dad's music store. He had given it to me for my 21st birthday. I'd had it for two years now, and it was all working out quite well.

She would tell me all about her troubles of actually finding a job. Right now, she was working as a reporter for some low life gossip magazine.

I hated those. So did she. But she did love money, and it paid quite well.

Today, we walked in chatting. Now for normal people, chatting and walking wouldn't necessarily seem like a bad idea.

But I should've known that I was the kind of person that had to keep their attention at only one thing at a time.

I managed to remain on my feet for a really long time, actually. I managed to get my order. But when we walked to our table, it went wrong.

Really wrong.

Before I realized what was happening, I tripped over a chair. My drink flew out of my hand, landing on top of the only other person in the café.

Screaming in horror, I staggered back, bumping into a table, which scared me, making me jump again. I happened to jump into the strangers guitar, that was lying next to him, cracking it to pieces, and then I continued to fall flat out on my face.

On his table. Throwing his cup of coffee into his lap, where my own cup had already landed.

I slowly got off the table. I was debating between running away in embarrassment, or doing the right thing, which meant I would have to pay for his guitar and coffee.

And therapy, which he would probably need after this.

I decided to take the high road.

"I'm so truly sorry! Of course I will totally pay for everything! And such a beautiful guitar, too."

Thank the lord I had a music store.

"Never mind," the blonde muttered. "Just go away, before you break something else. Like my bones, or something."

I puffed offended.

"Now I'm not that clumsy. I've never broken someone's bones before." I paused, remembering the fiasco with the wall. "Well, except my own, that is. No but seriously, let me pay for the guitar."

"Just…" The boy seemed really aggravated. I took a step back, actually fearing a punch right now. Although I did, maybe, kind of deserved it.

It was a really, really nice guitar.

"I don't need your money. Just, go." He got up. "Actually, no, stay. I'm going. I guess I don't really have a choice, since I'm absolutely soaked in coffee." I took a proper look at him.

His jeans, that was ripped so badly it looked like he plucked it out of the garbage, was completely coffee coloured. It had clearly taken the worst hit.

Luckily, it was already ripped, so he could just throw that out. I never liked the ripped jeans.

Although he could pull it off.

His white V-neck was still mostly white. Only the edges were a little wet, but if he tucked those into his pants, nobody would notice.

Honestly, I would not look that good with two cups of coffee poured over me. It wasn't that bad.

He clearly did not agree. Still looking red with anger, he took the guitar and staggered off.

Trish was still dying with laughter. By now, she'd sat done, her head was lying on her arms and her entire body was shaking from laughing so hard.

After I'd helped the employee clean the coffee of the floor, I sat next to her, patiently waiting for the laughter to disappear.

I had to wait quite long.

"That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done," I sighed, when Trish was finally paying attention to me. "And that says a lot, coming from me."

"Ally," Trish said slowly, still giggling a little. "Do you know who that was?" I raised an eyebrow.

"What, the guy? No, thank god, I don't know him. And I sincerely hope I never have to see him again."

"Oh, you're seeing him again. On television, probably." I must've looked really confused, because she started laughing again, unable to control herself.

"Ally, that was Austin Moon! You know him, he's had tons of hits! He's a big deal, babe. He's actually performing here in Miami this week."

"Oh," I said, not knowing what else to say. On one hand, it was kind of bad, ruining the outfit, guitar and day of a really famous pop star.

On the other hand, the chance that I would have to face him again was very slim. Because even if my song writing would go like I hoped, and one day I would get discovered and become a writer for famous people, twenty something year old - pop song singing boys were not really my target audience.

"Well," I continued, "I guess that's kind of bad. But on the other hand, I will never see him again, so that's a good..."

"Well," Trish interrupted. She dragged the l's and my heart froze. "I didn't come here just to have a chat, Ally."

Great, so she wanted something from me. And the problem was that I was a people pleaser, so whatever she wanted, she'd probably get.

"I kind of wanted to ask you something. Or tell you something, rather. And it kind of has something to do with Austin Moon. And it kind of has something to do with you spending time with him. A lot of time."

Except that.


	2. Chapter 2

"No!" I stormed out of the coffee shop, but Trish followed me, so I stopped. I knew she would have followed me all the way to my apartment and camped out on my doorstep until I talked to her.

"No, no, no, NO! Do I have to write it out on a piece of paper? I am NOT doing it!"

"But Ally," Trish whined, "Think of the chances it could offer you! You're a song writing nobody right now! If Austin likes your stuff, you can get famous!"

"Like, really famous," she added, when I didn't respond.

That was, strictly spoken, true. But I knew that wasn't why she was trying to talk me into this.

Trish had just told me that she got fired. She was no longer reporter for the low life gossip magazine. It had something to do with her job requiring her to actually be there, which just wasn't working for her.

But her leaving meant there was a sudden hole in the planning of her boss. He now had nobody to do the job Trish was going to do. So, obviously out of the goodness of her heart, she had offered up me to do it.

And her boss promised that he would let her go with a month's worth of pay if this would work out.

He was really desperate.

Normally, I would've taken the opportunity to hang out with a celebrity for a couple of days, writing a small story on how awesome they are after those days, and maybe getting in contact with their manager or agent or anyone who could help me out with getting my songs noticed.

Normally, I would've even loved to take the job. I would love to see how everything works backstage with a big show. I would love to watch the celebrity do their job, I would love to watch them interact with their fans.

Because that was a dream to me that would never become reality.

And if they were not nice, I would love to write an article about just how big of an ass they were.

Normally, I would have done it.

That means, if I hadn't ruined said celebrity's outfit, guitar, coffee and day just a couple of minutes ago.

"It doesn't matter, Trish. Did you not see what happened literally five minutes ago? He wouldn't even let me in. He would probably kick me out. Literally kick me. And I am NOT facing him, every again!" I had gotten into complete and utter hysteria by now.

But Trish wasn't listening.

"But Ally, come on! I couldn't know you would do that when I promised you would take my job! If you don't do it, I do not have money to eat for the rest of the month!"

Oh god, the puppy eyes appeared.

"If he kicks you out, then it is not my fault and my boss can't hold it against me! Please, Ally. This is what best friends are for."

Oh, the _best friend_ card.

"I need you, okay. Please."

The _I need you_ card.

She was really going all out, here.

I looked at her, pouting, and I knew that there was nothing else I could do. Damn me and my good heart.

"Oh for the love of god. Fine. I'll do it. But you owe me. Big time!"

"Yes!" Trish yelled, hugging me. I sighed.

Why did I have to be such a people pleaser?

* * *

I didn't sleep at all, that night. The knowledge that I would have to talk to Austin Moon tomorrow, the guy that almost punched me in the face today, was nearly enough to get me hyperventilating.

By the morning, I was ready for a mental hospital.

I was scheduled to spend the entire day following Austin around, taking notes while he was doing interviews and other pop star stuff.

I actually kind of hoped he would kick me out at first glance. I wasn't looking forward to spending almost an entire week with him.

He didn't really seem like a ray of sunshine.

Although I had to admit, being covered in coffee and pieces of your really expensive, limited edition, broken guitar sometimes did that to people.

I got dressed. Nice, but not overdone. I didn't want to seem too formal, but I didn't want to seem like a deluded teenage fan girl either. So I settled on a dress with nice cardigan and some wedges.

I never left my house without wedges or heels. I was really small, and a little insecure about my height.

The arrangement was that I'd meet Austin at his hotel, so that was where I was going. It was one of the nicest hotels in Miami, and walking into the lobby, I felt a little underdressed.

"You must be the reporter of People! Hello, I'm Mimi Moon. Call me Mimi. I'm Austin's mom and manager." The woman that approached me looked really nice. She was dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt, making me feel a little better about my choice of clothing.

"Hello, I'm Ally," I said softly, shaking her hand.

"Well, Ally, you look lovely. I was so scared the reporter would be some smelly old guy or something. That would not have been fun, since we're having you around for a week," Mimi chatted.

She took my hand, dragging me towards the elevator.

"Austin's just a little late. You will experience that quite a lot, in the following days. Let's go up to his hotel room. Maybe seeing you will put some spirit into him."

I bit my lip. I would definitely put something into Austin. But I wouldn't say spirit. I think pure fury would come closer to the truth.

We stopped on the third floor. Mimi was still chatting, about the weather and the magazine. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I honestly knew nothing about the magazine or anything she was saying about it, nor did I really care an awful lot.

"So here we are." Mimi stopped in front of one of the doors. She knocked.

"Austin? Open the door, sweetheart, the reporter is here!" The door opened. I braced myself for the scream of horror, but it wasn't the familiar blonde in the door opening.

"Hi Mimi. Austin's in the bathroom." The red head looked at me with a curious expression on his face. "Hi, you're pretty. I'm Dez."

I blushed. "Uhm, hi. I'm Ally."

"Ally? That's a cool name. Sounds kind of good together, Austin and Ally. Hey Austin, I have a surprise for you, your reporter is hot!"

Well, I was definitely a surprise for Austin.

The bathroom door opened slowly. I inhaled deeply, holding my breath.

There we go.

Austin stepped out. The room was silent. I fought the urge to close my eyes.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me."


	3. Chapter 3

That was it. Nothing else. No yelling at me to leave, no punches, nothing was being thrown at me. Just that one sentence, and silence.

I exhaled.

"Austin honey, this is Ally. She's the reporter." Mimi sounded cheery, but I heard the hidden warning in her voice.

Be nice to this girl, because she could possibly dent your career.

"Yeah. We've met," Austin deadpanned. He didn't actually look too angry. Just a little annoyed.

"Oh really? That's great, dear. Now, let's go to this radio show, shall we?" Mimi left the room. Dez followed her, but Austin stayed behind. Looking at me.

Judging me.

"Do you think you can hang around me without breaking too many instruments?" he said smirking. "Or bones. Mine, or yours, for that matter." He cocked his head to the left, making him look even more smug than the second before.

"Bad promotion, if my reporter kills herself while hanging out with me, you see."

"Oh," I sneered, "I will definitely try not to seriously injure myself while being in close proximity to you."

"Thanks. Now, let's go, we haven't got all day." He walked out of the hotel room and I followed.

I couldn't decide between being extremely annoyed because he was a brat or extremely grateful because he didn't tell his mom to sue me.

We had to leave through the back door, because some fans gathered around at the front.

"Normally, Austin tries to meet as many fans as possible, but we're already late," Mimi explained when we got in the car.

I nodded, and decided that if this week would be bearable at all, I had to explain to her how I wanted this to work.

"Listen, Mrs. Moon," I began, but she interrupted me.

"Mimi, dear, please."

"Mimi. Listen, I get that I'm a reporter, okay? But I'm not here with the intention to find something dirty on Austin, okay?"

I ignored Austin's snicker next to me.

"So just act like you normally do. Just be relaxed and natural. You don't have to explain Austin's every move, and you definitely don't have to justify anything to me."

She seemed almost relieved as she nodded. "Okay, that's great, dear. This is going to be a good week."

The snicker, again. And then softly, his voice.

"If she doesn't kill us all, that is."

* * *

It seemed like Austin's tactic to survive this week was ignoring me. Which, honestly, was fine with me. Dez and I made some small talk while the radio DJ took Austin through the questions he was about to ask.

I learned that this was standard, and was not, on the contrary to my believe, to make sure there weren't any embarrassing questions. It was to make sure the celebrity has their answers ready, so that there aren't any awkward pauses during the interview.

Quick and efficient, were the most important words. And I could tell Austin had done this a million times before.

Dez and I watched the interview together, while Mimi was off doing God knows what. Austin's answers were short enough to keep it interesting, but long enough to give the fans some feeling of depth. He joked around with the DJ, laughing when it was his turn, answering honestly.

Or it seemed like it was honest. He had had some acting gigs in the past, so perhaps he was just a good actor.

Yes, I'd done my research.

He talked about his music. About how he didn't write it, but worked 'closely together with the writes.'

I knew this was lingo for 'I yell at them when I think it's not good enough and never contribute anything useful at all.'

The interview finished and I was ready to go. I wasn't sure what we would do next, but I was told Mimi knew my schedule and would send me home when I was done for the day.

"Mom, how much time do we have?" Austin asked.

"We have all morning, darling. We start rehearsals after lunch."

So I guess it would be a long day.

"Can I go outside for a minute?" he asked Mimi.

She nodded and he practically ran away. Just when I was about to ask what he was going to do, Dez pointed to the window.

"Look. He always does this, if he can."

I walked to the window. And sure enough, there he was. Surrounded by girls. There were maybe 30 girls there, and he was talking to them, laughing, taking pictures with them and signing stuff.

He seemed to be enjoying himself.

Great actor, actually.

We waited for an hour. I was actually impressed with Austin. He took the time to have a little chit chat with each and every single one of his fans. Only when they all had their picture, he went inside.

I looked at him, while he walked up to Dez and did some weird hand shake thing. He was smiling, and he looked genuinely happy.

I was still convinced he was a brat, but it did seem like he appreciated his fans. I wrote that down on my notepad.

I had decided to make a little list of his characteristics, to help me with the article, and this was the first one I'd found that was good enough to write down.

Brat didn't make the list.

_Appreciative of his fans._

I closed my book, and followed towards the car. It wasn't lunchtime yet, so I was curious as to what we would do next.

I wasn't expecting what was to come.


	4. Chapter 4

"A playground? Really?" I asked. Even I could hear how judging my voice sounded, but I couldn't stop myself.

"You've got a problem with that? What are you, against fun or something?" Austin teased. I puffed, but didn't answer him.

He didn't deserve that.

Mimi sighed. "Sometimes they are a little bit childish." I sat next to her on the bench while Austin and Dez were playing around with the swings.

_Childish_, I wrote in my book.

"That's not necessarily bad," I told her. "I think everyone needs to hold on to that little kid part of them." I shrugged. "Too many people grow up to fast, you know."

Mimi smiled at me.

"You seem like a smart girl, Ally. I hope you rub off on Austin a little bit." I grimaced.

"Yeah, I wouldn't count on it." We were silent for a little while.

"You know, I wish there were more people like you in Austin's life. Smart girls his age, I mean. He doesn't really have anyone besides Dez and the girls he hangs out with every now and then are always so shallow."

"Just with him for fame and money, huh?" I said. She seemed to think about that, for a little while.

"Not necessarily. I think they do like him. They just don't… really like _him_, you know. They have this idea in their heads of what Austin Moon is. Of who he is. And usually, he doesn't meet their expectations. But it's never fair, really. Nobody is perfect."

"Yet that's what everyone expects from celebrities," I finished for her. She nodded.

I thought about that for a while. I guess she was right. But Austin wasn't just not perfect, he was a jerk.

Or maybe he was only acting like that with me. Maybe it was just because we hadn't had the best start.

Well, I had apologized for that and it was hardly my fault. It was gravity's fault, really.

So he shouldn't hold grudge for that.

After some more chit chat, it was finally time for lunch. Which was good, because I was really hungry.

And cold. Spending two hours on a playground could've been fun.

But not in December. Not even in Miami.

* * *

We went to a diner. It was a cute little diner, clearly not really popular. The waitress was an older woman who seemed to be simultaneously a waitress, the cook, the barmaid and the boss.

"I love this place," Dez said to me. "It's so 80s. We always try to eat here when we're in Miami, right Austin?" He didn't respond, but Dez didn't seem too bothered by that.

"Well, since you live in Miami, that mustn't be too hard, right?" I said.

I liked Dez. And I liked the idea of having people to talk to the following week, since I obviously didn't have to expect a lot of conversation coming from Austin's side.

"We live on the other side of Miami. That's why we're staying in a hotel room. Too much travel time. I guess we could eat here, if we would travel. But Austin is too busy to eat out most of the time and I'm not going to go alone." I wondered if he didn't have any other friends, but I decided not to push it.

Friends were quite often a delicate subject.

I knew it was for me.

"You know what," Mimi said excitedly, "You should ask Austin some questions for your article."

I almost choked on my mineral water.

"What, now?"

"No, next year," Austin said. He was smirking again and I shot him the deadliest look I could manage.

"I don't actually think I have a lot to ask," I said softly.

"Isn't that the whole idea of being a reporter?" Dez asked.

"Well yeah, but I…" I was going to tell him I wasn't really a reporter, but I decided against it. Austin could have me fired for that and I would hate to let Trish down after I'd come so far.

"I have kind of my own style. I'd rather observe people, and make up my own mind, then have them tell me what they're all about, you know. If not, I wouldn't have to spend all week with you, I could just sit here for an hour and write down everything he says."

"That could work," Austin muttered under his breath. I could tell by Mimi's look that she hadn't heard what he had said, but she was feeling it wasn't good.

If he continued like that, she would notice something was up.

So I kicked him under the table.

He whimpered, looking at me in shock.

I couldn't help it. He needed to stop being a jerk to me.

Not because I wanted him to like me. But because I liked Mimi, and I wasn't going to hurt her by writing a bad article on Austin. I didn't like hurting people.

But if Austin kept being a jerk, I had no other choice than to expose him. Because I also hated lying.

I made small talk with Dez and Mimi during the meal. Austin just sat there, not saying anything, playing with his food.

I didn't care. I would explain the kick to him later, when we were alone.

* * *

I didn't get that chance until we got at the place where Austin rehearses. When Mimi left me on my own to deal with some manager stuff, I decided to take my chance and I went looking for Austin.

He wasn't hard to find. He was on stage, sitting on the floor, playing his guitar.

I stood for a little while, just watching him. Every now and then he would stop playing and fiddle with some strings or buttons on the sound panel in front of him.

He was a good guitar player. I had to give him that.

When he got up, ready to leave, I came out of the shadows.

"Austin… We have to talk." He looked up, looking amused.

"Can you please not come too close? This is my favourite guitar."

I sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry for breaking your guitar, okay! But I can hardly change what happened."

"No, but we can make sure it doesn't happen again," he said with a smirk.

So I kept my distance.

"I just wanted to talk to you about why I kicked you."

He frowned.

"Yeah, what the hell was that all about? That hurt. You've got a good kick." I grinned at the compliment.

"For a girl."

Of course it wasn't a compliment.

What was I expecting?

"Yeah, well, build a bridge and get over it. So, I know you don't like me. You've made that very clear. But I…"

"Hey!" he interrupted me. "Don't look at me like that. It's not that I don't like you. Well, I don't, but I have my reasons!"

My eyes widened. The nerve that boy had!

"Really, now? Like what? Not being as famous as you?"

He snorted, visibly hurt.

"I would, thank you very much, never dislike someone because they're not famous. Quite the opposite, actually. I don't like you because, one, you broke my guitar and covered me in coffee. Twice!"

"Well, I didn't do that on purpose," I muttered. I could hardly blame him for not liking me in that moment.

But could he really not find it in his heart to forgive me for that?

"And I was totally ready to forgive you for that, too. And when you looked at me like I was something you scraped off your shoe when we officially met, I thought it was perhaps just nerves." He jumped of the stage, walking up to me.

I instinctively stepped back.

"But when you said that we didn't have to pretend, around you, when my mom told you I'm nice to my fans? That said enough, Ally. You've already got your mind made up that I'm some kind of stuck up jerk. You already think you know my heart by heart."

I was opening my mouth, to protest, to tell him that that was not what I meant, that I was just trying to calm his mother down, but no sound came out.

"If that's what you think of me, I'm not going to try and prove you wrong. It would just be a waste of energy, because you would just think I was fake. And I get why you kicked me. Because you want my mom to like you and me not liking you kind of puts a dent in your plan."

He stepped forward a little. And I stepped back again.

"Now I will play nice around you, because we both know that it's just a week and then we can leave and never see each other again. But if I find out that you're trying to use my mom for anything other than pleasant conversation and motherly love, I will…" He swallowed heavily, not finishing his sentence.

He didn't have to.

He seemed to think about something for a little while, like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if he should And so he left, leaving the room silent. And cold, somehow.

I took out my notepad.

_Protective of family_.


	5. Chapter 5

Mimi told me that I didn't have to stay through rehearsals, because there would be plenty to come this week, and I gladly took her offer to have a cab bring me home.

I was exhausted. I did the inventory for the store on auto pilot. Luckily, the guy I had hired to take over from me while I was doing this had done a great job, and it didn't take too long.

I didn't even have dinner. I just went to bed, staring at the ceiling.

Austin definitely had the wrong impression of me. I realized that maybe, I had the wrong impression of him too. He loved his fans. He clearly loved his mom. And if I remembered correctly, the way he was behaving towards me at the beginning, when we'd just met, was more teasing than mean.

The bitterness and coldness came later.

Maybe he really did think I had my mind made up already.

And if I was really honest, he would've been right about that.

I shouldn't have judged him that soon. I promised myself I would actually try tomorrow, to be nice to him.

* * *

Which wasn't as hard as I'd expected, because when I walked into his hotel room the next morning with Mimi, he actually smiled at me.

Smiled. Not smirked.

"Morning Ally!"

"Good morning," I muttered.

Dez looked up.

"You two are talking to each other? Wow, that's a turn around."

"Just wasn't having my day yesterday," I told him. Mimi raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

"It's a Christmas miracle!" Austin exclaimed.

"It's not Christmas yet," I said, "and I don't believe in miracles."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

Dez gasped in horror, grabbing the table in order to keep himself standing. Austin just stared at me.

"Wait, what?"

"I don't believe in miracles?" I repeated. It came out sounding more like a question.

"How can you not believe in miracles?" Dez exclaimed. "What is next, you don't believe in aliens?"

I looked over at Austin, to see if Dez was actually serious. He shrugged. I decided that a change of subject would be the best thing.

"So, what are we doing today?" I turned to Mimi. She smiled happily.

"Oh, this is going to be so much fun guys! We have a photo shoot, which might not be that much fun, but after that, we're going to meet fans! We have a signing at the mall."

"Awesome!" Austin pushed past her, walking out of the hotel room. He seemed genuinely excited. Mimi followed him, and so did I. Dez came last, and I could swear I could hear him mutter:

"She doesn't believe in miracles…"

* * *

The photo shoot wasn't much fun. Austin didn't seem to enjoy it a lot either.

It did made me write something else on my list.

_Handsome._

Because let's be really, really honest here. I might not really like the guy's personality, but he was cute. Really cute. And he had abs to die for, which I found out when the photographer asked him to lift his shirt up just a little bit, just to 'tease the readers'.

Well, let me tell you, teased they will be.

The thing I personally found most attractive about Austin were his eyes, though. Not that I complained about his dirty blonde hair, his biceps, his abs or his cheek bones, but his eyes definitely got me most.

They were big and brown and they reflected him. They would turn a little darker whenever he was upset and they would twinkle when he was happy. You could tell a lot about his eyes.

Not that I'd been paying attention to them, of course.

Why would I do that?

After the photo shoot, we went for lunch. And then it was time for the signing.

I was overwhelmed by the amount of people that showed up. We drove past the queue, me trying to count the people and failing, Austin with his nose pressed against the window, with a smile so big that I thought his face could burst.

He did have a nice smile, when he was genuinely smiling and not smirking.

"You can sit behind Austin so you can see how he interacts with his fans. That would be useful for your interview, right?" Mimi said. I nodded.

And so I sat down, behind Austin, while Dez and Mimi sipped their coffees and observed from a distance.

I would really rather be with them, since the screams were ear piercing and a lot of the girls were looking at me like they would kill me right there if they got the chance.

"So, you ready?" Austin asked, moving his chair so I wasn't sitting directly behind him but more next to him.

"I don't think I'll ever be," I admitted. "I don't understand how you do not have any hearing loss yet."

"What?" he said. I was about to repeat myself when I got the joke.

"Ha ha. You must be the funny one of the house." I playfully slapped his arm and he pretended to be hurt. Then he smiled again, before turning around to start signing.

I realized that was the first normal conversation we had. He was actually acting nice to me, and his mother wasn't even around.

It felt a little weird, suddenly pretending that there was no bad blood between us at all. But it didn't feel _wrong._ Just weird.

I could get used to that.

Again, I promised myself I would give him a chance and not be so judgemental. Maybe he was nice. Maybe it wouldn't be such a disaster, to spend a week with him.

Then, I observed the signing.

It was crazy, how dedicated these girls were. We sat there for four hours, and we couldn't get through everybody. But the mall was closing and we had to stop.

Austin wanted to continue until he got everybody. But he would've been there all night.

One of the last girls that came up to him, looked at me suspiciously.

"Who's she?" she asked. Austin smiled at me.

I was about to tell her I was a reporter, when he started talking.

"Just a friend."

* * *

"I know you're not my friend, okay," Austin said. We were sitting in the car, with Dez, waiting for Mimi.

He must've noticed my shocked expression when he had said that.

He didn't know that I was only shocked, but not bothered by him calling me a friend.

I remembered the little tingle in my stomach, at his words. I was acting silly, of course, but I liked the idea of having another friend besides Trish.

I just wasn't sure if I was sure I wanted it to be Austin, yet.

"Then why'd you say it?" I asked.

"Because I don't want word to spread that I'm having a reporter around. That would only mean more reporters want to do this kind of thing and I'm not planning to live my entire life being judged."

"I am not judging you!" I said offended.

He started to say something, but was cut off.

Mimi got in, chatting happily about how amazing Austin's fans are. I turned towards the window, leaning on it.

Just when I thought Austin and I were sort of on civil terms.

"That's not what I meant," he whispered.

"Wasn't it?"

Silence fell. God, was I ready to go home.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm so done with that boy. I know it's kind of my fault that he doesn't like me, but I just can't deal with him! He totally thinks he's amazing."

I was laying on my back on my sofa, talking to Trish on the phone. I had to go meet Austin in an hour and I really wished I didn't.

"I'm sorry he's such a drag, Ally. I really owe you big time for this one."

"Yes, you do," I told her. "And when I don't have to see him anymore, we're going out and you're paying."

"You want to go out? Man, he's really changing you." I laughed.

It was true. I didn't usually like to go out. I liked being in my flat, watching movies. But hanging around a person who didn't like me made me realize how much I missed hanging out with Trish.

My only friend.

And she loved going out.

"I've got to go, Trish, or I'm going to be late and he's going to murder me. Or throw a party because he thinks I'm not coming. Anyway, I'll talk to you later, yeah?"

"Jup. And Ally?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck."

* * *

I was late. Only a little, but still. I hated being late.

Austin's door was open and I ran in, expecting them to be waiting for me.

They weren't.

Austin was laying on the sofa, just like I had 15 minutes ago. Except his guitar was laying on top of him, and he was softly playing it. I stopped in the door opening, not sure whether to announce my presence or leave.

But I didn't move. He seemed upset. Really upset.

A familiar tune reached my ears, and immediately, tears started to well up in my eyes.

The song he was playing, I recognized it.

Because it was the song that I cried to a million times, when I was 16 and my mother left. The song I cried to at night, for three years, every night in a row. The song that almost immediately brought me to tears, now.

_"Was it easier to pack your bags,  
And book that flight to Paris as  
the plane began to move that afternoon."_

I wanted to just leave, I really did. But I couldn't. The only thing I could do is walk to him. He had his eyes closed, and didn't seem to notice me.

_"And the kids that you hold, in your arms  
With promises to protect them from harm  
But they grow, and they go,  
and you're all alone.  
All the kids, all the kids that you hold._

_And it's a shame that it ends this way,  
with nothing left to say.  
So just sit on your hands, while I walk away.  
It's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame  
When my hands begin to shake,  
when bitterness is all I taste._ "

I sat down on the sofa opposite of him. It seemed to snap him out of his trance, as he opened his eyes and stopped playing. But he didn't sit up. And he didn't tell me to leave.

Maybe because he saw the tears that had formed in my eyes.

"I always sing this song when I think of my father," he said softly. It was barely audibly.

"I miss him a lot, you know. But he chose to leave, and there is nothing I can do about that."

He pointed to a piece of paper on the table. I didn't take it.

"What is it?"

"It's a letter. From my dad." He strummed the guitar strings.

"The one he left me when he left us. He told me he wouldn't forget me, Ally."

I could tell he was on the edge of crying and I really didn't want him to. Not because it was messy or because we weren't friends or because I couldn't do anything for him.

Because I didn't want to see him hurt.

"But he did, didn't he?" I whispered. "My mom did too."

"That why the song…?" He didn't finish his sentence and he didn't have to.

"Yeah. It reminds me of her."

"Me too. Of my dad, then, not of your mom." Despite everything, I laughed. Austin laughed, as well.

He slowly sat up, looking at me.

"Do you see your dad often?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, I do. We're really close." He bit his lip, and then he looked me right in the eyes.

I could feel his look piercing through me, as if he was staring right into my soul.

"Keep him close. When I lost my dad, I lost a piece of my mom, with him. I forgot that it was a hard time for her, too. I still haven't found a way to fix that…part of her. The missing part."

He sounded so incredibly sad.

This was the first time Austin felt like a normal human to me. Right now, he wasn't the pop star or the guy that didn't trust me or the guy that was being a dick.

He was being a guy consumed by the kind of grief I was all too familiar with.

And so I smiled at him.

"I will." I thought about that for a while.

"I do think my dad and I have a special relationship. When mom was gone, we needed to find a way to live without her. That was difficult. But now, I don't think I could live with another person. We have found a way together, living together but not living our entire lives together, you know?"

I was going to add something else. But Austin interrupted me.

"Ally, has someone ever told you that you talk too much?"

Offended, I made a sound that sounded like a puff. Just like that, we were back at where we started.

Without saying a word, I stood up, making my way out. I turned to look over my shoulder one last time before turning the corner.

And I felt my heart freeze. I could see tears in Austin's eyes. I could tell that he was trying to hide them from me, biting his lip, turning his head away when he saw me looking.

Was that why he had snapped at me? Did he want to have me gone so he could cry?

Maybe he wasn't just a plain jerk, maybe he was only a jerk because he had been hurt.

I always tried to see the good in people. And today was the first day I could think of a reason for Austin's behaviour. And it was actually quite a good reason, too.

He hadn't just lost his dad, he had lost his mom too, a little bit. They were still close, I could tell by the way Mimi looked at him.

But I could also see something else in her eyes.

Something like… regret, maybe. Because when she looked at him, she was reminded of a part of her life that she didn't want to be reminded of. She was reminded of that hurt, that I knew all too well.

I was torn between going back to make Austin feel better, or leaving him to it. I decided that I didn't know him well enough to go back.

But I couldn't help but feel a little guilty, as I stepped into the elevator.

Because for some reason, seeing Austin hurt, it kind of hurt me too.

* * *

Austin had nothing really important to do that day. He had some interviews, and a lot of rehearsals. Mimi told me I could have the day off if I wanted.

Strangely enough, I didn't want to.

I wasn't sure why, but the idea of spending the day without Austin didn't seem all that terrible to me anymore. Maybe it was because of what happened this morning.

Or perhaps the boy was growing on me.

Whatever it was, it made me come along with him, even though I didn't have to.

Watching Austin rehearse with his band was amazing. He sounded amazing, he was an amazing dancer, an amazing musician.

_Amazing performer_, I wrote down.

"That's great guys, take five!" I heard Austin call. The band members got up and left, but Austin didn't go anywhere. He just sat there with his guitar, just like the time we promised we would be civil.

And I kind of felt like we could be, now. He wasn't that bad.

I think.

I still wasn't entirely sure what to make of him. Sometimes I felt like he didn't hate me anymore. And other times I felt like if looks could kill, he would've killed me a million times.

"Hey," I said softly, as I approached him. He acknowledged me with a small smile.

"Hey."

It was silent for a little while. It was an awkward silence, and I was wondering if I should just leave. Then he started talking.

"Can I ask you something, Ally?"

I nodded.

"My mom just told me something. And I'm not sure what to do with it." He was talking, but not looking at me. He was still sitting on the ground, strumming his guitar, his eyes focused on the ground.

"Well, what did she tell you?" I sat down next to him.

But not too close.

"That I can perform on national television on Christmas eve?" It came out like a question, and for a moment I didn't know what to say.

"Wow, that's… That's huge. Right?"

"Yeah. It's in New York. It's not playing Times Square on New Year's Eve, but it's kind of a big deal."

He finally looked up at me, and he looked almost… sad.

"Which means that really, I have to do it. I have to say yes. But I really don't want to let my fans down, Ally."

I furrowed a brow. "Let your fans down?"

"Rehearsals for it are mandatory, and they are on the same day as my Miami concert was scheduled. Which means that if I do it, I have to cancel that concert." He paused.

"I have never cancelled a concert. And I don't want to. But I can't really say no to New York either. What do I do?"

"Austin," I said softly. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because…" He stopped, and seemed to think about that question for a little while.

"Because you'll answer me honestly. You don't care about my feelings like Dez or what's best for my career like mom, you'll just tell me what's the right thing to do."

I thought about it for a second. Imagined myself being in his shoes.

I didn't know what I would do. It's a difficult decision. But on the other hand, a thing as big as performing on national television on Christmas eve was a big thing. Lots of people would watch it. He would gain tons of fans.

"Do you think your fans are reasonable?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Then they will understand that you have to do New York. And you won't have to cancel the performance, you just have to postpone it. They will get their concert, just a little later."

He sighed.

"Do you really think I should go to New York?"

I looked at him, and I could see the doubt in his eyes.

Like I'd said before, you could tell a lot by his eyes.

I thought about my motives for the answer I gave him. I wasn't saying it because it meant he wouldn't be able to spend the entire week with me, since Christmas was only four days away. I wasn't saying it because I cared about his career.

I was saying it because that was what I would do.

"Yes, I really think you should go."

* * *

**Song: The Morning Song by The** **Lumineers**  
_Author's note: Hi guys! I want this story finished before Christmas and since it's already December and I have a lot of chapters to post, I will be updating this story a lot more. Just to let you know!_


	7. Chapter 7

I still had two days left before Austin would go to New York. And I was planning on using them well.

Because I didn't really have a lot to write about.

Or nothing interesting, at least.

I saw on Twitter that Austin had moved his concert in Miami to next week. His fans didn't seem too upset about it. Most just seemed really happy for him, that he was going to play The Night Before Christmas.

Yes, that's what it's called. Apparently it's an annual thing, and loads of people watch it.

I walked into the hotel lobby, expecting it to be just like any other day.

But it wasn't.

"Oh Ally, there you are! Please tell me you've seen Austin!" Mimi was on the edge of hysteria.

"What, no? Why?"

Dez ran up to me.

"Has she seen him?"

"No," Mimi sighed. "We can't find him, dear. He wasn't in his room this morning. We can't find him anywhere." She looked like she could start crying at any moment.

I could tell that nobody was taking charge. So naturally, I decided to take that on me.

"Okay. First things first, did you call him?"

Dez nodded. "He isn't answering."

"Which probably means he doesn't want to be found. Dez, what are his favourite places? The ones he goes when he wants to think?"

Dez had to think about that for a while.

"Maybe the playground? Or he could've gone to the beach. Either." I nodded.

I knew Mimi wasn't going to be any help. She couldn't think rationally right now.

"Dez, you go to the beach. Look for him there. I'll take the playground. Mimi, you stay here in case he comes back. Got it?"

Both of them nodded. Dez stormed of and Mimi sat down in the hotel lobby, her head in her hands. She was really upset.

I could murder Austin for scaring his mother like that.

But I had to find him first.

* * *

I spotted him from quite far away. He was the only one on the playground. I didn't walk up to him immediately. First, I texted Dez and Mimi to tell them I found him.

I couldn't leave them worried any longer.

I walked up to him slowly. I reckoned I would be one of the last people he wanted to see, but he couldn't stay here forever so he didn't really have another choice.

"Austin?"

He looked up. He was sitting on one of the swings, and he looked upset, and I felt my heart drop.

I don't know why it hurt me so much to see him upset. But I just wanted to wrap him in my arms and make everything better.

Wait, what?

I decided it was just my natural urge to help people. It had nothing to do with Austin himself. I didn't even necessarily like Austin.

Did I?

I sat on the other swing. I didn't say anything. I knew he would start talking if he wanted to.

He did.

"Is my mom really upset?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

"Does she know I'm here?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Another silence. And then, his voice again. Shaking.

"I feel so guilty, Ally."

"For what?" I furrowed my brows.

"For letting everyone down." He handed me his phone. "Look."

His Twitter was open. I scrolled through the page he had opened.

Oh dear. The trend he had clicked on was _#MiamiWantsTheirConcertAustin!_

And the people using it weren't happy. They were saying he was choosing fame over his fans. Saying he was changing. Saying he didn't care about them.

I knew that wasn't true. There was a lot you could say about Austin Moon. But he definitely cared about his fans.

Maybe even a little too much.

"Austin, this is just one trend," I said softly. "Not everybody feels like that."

"Well, it's the only trend that is actually trending worldwide," he snapped. I sighed. He sighed too.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just… I always said I would put my fans above anything. And now I'm not."

I closed Twitter and gave him his phone back.

"You know what? They're not real fans. Real fans, the ones that actually give a damn about you, they are proud of you."

Oh dear, I was cursing. I was definitely spending too much time outside the shop.

Austin gave me a small smile. I could tell he didn't believe me. He looked up at the sky.

"That one kind of looks like a bunny." He pointed to a cloud. I giggled.

If he wanted to change the subject, I would go with it. Everything to stop him from looking so sad.

"A bunny, really? That's so not true. If anything, it's a guinea pig." He laughed.

I noticed how his entire face lit up when he laughed. His eyes twinkled and he just looked so happy.

He started talking, words coming out like a waterfall.

"I know you think it's silly that a 24 year old guy likes to go to a playground and play on the swings. But I love the peace it brings me. I usually just swing and watch the clouds. If you go high enough and you focus on the sky, it almost seems like you're flying."

"That's highly unlikely. You can't possibly go high enough to get the impression of flight," I answered sceptically.

Austin shook his head. "Wow, you must be fun at parties, Ally." Then, he stepped of his swing.

I was about to hop of mine too, but I froze when I felt his hands in my back.

"Austin?"

"Yeah?" He started pushing me. My feet left the ground.

"What're you doing?" He didn't answer. I noticed I was going higher and higher.

This really was not a good idea.

But I didn't stop him.

"Do it. Look at the sky."

And so I did. And I smiled. The wind flew through my hair, and I could feel it on my face. And suddenly, I understood what he meant.

It really did feel like I was flying. Or at least as if the worries of the world were disappearing, flying away.

But I had known this was not a good idea.

I felt myself slip, but I couldn't stop myself anymore. My head seemed to move forward faster than the swing and my hands let go of the rope.

Suddenly, I was really flying.

Or falling. It's just what you prefer calling it.

I could hear Austin calling my name in the distance, when I hit the ground. I fell, obviously, flat on my face. Luckily, the ground was sand and not concrete, but it still really hurt. I felt a familiar sting.

I laid there for a couple seconds, before I slowly sat up. Austin ran to me.

"Oh my god Ally, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Careful!" He helped me up.

I noticed his face was really close to mine.

Or perhaps I'd just hit my head too hard and I was suffering from a concussion.

"Ohh…auw…" I groaned.

"Oh god… Ally you're bleeding!" Austin put his hand on my cheek.

My cheek was burning. But I wasn't sure if it was because of the cut or because of Austin's hand.

I was however fairly sure I had a concussion. It was the only sensible explanation as to why I suddenly felt the need to lean forward and…

"Ally? Do I need to call an ambulance? You're not responding." I finally fell back into reality.

"Uhm, no, I'm okay, I think. I just need a… a bandage…"

"Let's get you back to the hotel." Austin grabbed my arm and slowly helped me up. We walked to his car. I didn't let go of his arm, for fear of falling.

I did feel a little dizzy.

He helped me in the car.

When I sat down, he let me go. The place where his hand had been was burning, too. The absence of his hand left a cold spot, and I shuddered.

He got in and started the car. He was driving way too fast, but I didn't say anything about it.

I figured I was the reason for his driving behaviour.

"You really are clumsy, aren't you?" Austin asked after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence in the car.

I looked over at him. He smirked back at me.

I don't know if it was the concussion or something else, but I laughed.

"At least now you know for certain I didn't break your guitar on purpose." We both laughed, and then it was silent again.

* * *

Mimi was waiting for us at the hotel.

"Austin, if you ever do that again…" She didn't finish her sentence, but hugged him. He hugged her back for a while before cautiously pushing her away. She then turned to me.

"Oh dear, what have you done! There's blood everywhere!" Her eyes were as big as saucers.

"It looks worse than it is," I said weakly.

Although it did hurt.

I felt a hand on my lower back. I turned, to see Austin standing behind me.

"We're going to clean you up," he said, softly pushing me towards the elevator.

"But Austin, we're never going to be on time for the interview and…" Mimi began, but he interrupted her.

"Cancel it. Tell them I'm sick or something."

He pushed me into the elevator and muttered something. I couldn't be sure, but I thought it was "They all hate me anyway."

I figured that that probably was exactly what he'd said.

"They don't hate you, Austin," I said softly. He didn't answer, and I didn't press it. I knew there wasn't anything I could say anyway.

He took me to his hotel room.

"Sit!" He pointed towards the little kitchen counter he had. I hopped on it. Normally, I would have cleaned it myself, but he had a certain expression that told me cooperating was the only option I had right now.

He came walking out of the bathroom with a wet cloth and a bandage. He walked close to me and put the cloth on my cheek.

Once again, I realized how close he was. Almost on kissing distance.

For God's sake Ally, what's wrong with you? I scolded at myself. I needed to get a grip.

"Does it hurt?" Austin whispered.

"I'm okay," I whispered back.

"Why are we whispering?" he whispered. We both started laughing.

"This might hurt a little bit, but I have to get the blood of your cheek." He started moving the cloth. I whimpered, but tried to hold still.

He was right after all, I could hardly walk around with a bloody cheek all day.

"Ally?" Austin's voice was shaky and I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

He paused, just looking at me, as if he was debating whether or not to continue with his question.

And then he did.

"Will you come to New York with me?"


	8. Chapter 8

"So what did you say?"

I was behind the counter at Sonic Boom. Trish was standing on the other side. I was just telling her about my day.

"I told him yes." I put my chin in my hands.

"You know I can't say no to people. If I could, I would've never began with this whole thing. And he just looked so sad, Trish! I don't like seeing people sad."

Trish nodded. She knew all of this. She used it against me all the time.

After cleaning my face, Austin had sent me home. He told me there wasn't much else to do anyway and I needed to rest. Especially since I had a big journey to survive in two days!

I didn't even know why I'd said yes so easily. If Trish would've asked me to go to New York with her in two days, leaving the store behind, I would've laughed in her face. And if I would've gone with her, it would've taken her hours to convince me.

And when Austin asked me, I didn't even think about it. Just one look in his pleading brown eyes and I said yes.

He didn't even respond to my confirmation. He just smiled and sent me home.

It helped that I was over my dislike for Austin. I actually kind of liked him. He was being nice to me, and when I'd seen him other side, the side that was almost crying because some people on Twitter were being mean to him, it reminded me of something.

That he was just a 24 year old boy, who didn't have anyone in his life except his mother and his best friend, who was just as insecure as any other person. Except he had to live his life in the spotlight, people judging his every move.

I could never do it. It was the reason why I didn't mind not being a performer. I just wanted to be a songwriter. Because no one knew who you were then, and nobody cared.

There was also my stage fright. I hated to sing in front of people. When I was 4 years old, I sang in front of my classmates. I tripped and fell.

It wasn't really bad, nowhere near as bad as the day I broke my nose or the day I met Austin, but 4 year old me couldn't get over it and promised herself she would never perform in front of anyone again.

I'd kept that promise.

Nobody had ever heard me sing since then. Not even my dad or Trish. And I wasn't planning on ever letting anyone hear me sing either.

I focused on Trish again. She was telling me what to pack.

"Now remember, you think it's cold in Miami in December, wait until you're in New York. Take lots of warm clothing, or you will freeze to death. Okay? Are you going to be in New York on Christmas?"

I nodded. "Yeah. But it doesn't matter. My dad will still love to have you at his party."

"Good." Trish came to my dad's Christmas part every year. She loved them.

Mostly because it meant free food and my dad never asked anyone for Christmas presents.

"I will miss you, though, Ally."

"I'll miss you too."

I talked to Trish for a little while. When the store closed, I went upstairs and started packing. I smiled. I would miss hanging out with Trish and my dad on Christmas. But I did that every year.

And I was actually really looking forward to being in New York with Christmas.

And to being with Austin with Christmas.

Wait, what?

* * *

"Good morning!" I called. Austin's room seemed empty, so I sat on the couch. I was a little early, so perhaps he wasn't ready yet.

I stared at his guitar, which was sitting right in front of me. I could play guitar, but I preferred piano and I hadn't played guitar for a while.

I looked around me. Austin didn't seem to be here. I got the guitar.

Slowly, I stroked the strings. It was already tuned.

Of course it was.

I strummed the guitar a little more, and suddenly I realized I was playing a familiar tune. I smiled.

This song always made me smile.

I wish I was brave.

I softly sang the words, making sure no one outside of the room could hear me.

_"You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase  
into a weapon or a drug.  
You can be the outcast,  
or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.  
Or you can start speaking up._

_Sometimes a shadow wins,  
But I wonder what would happen if you…" _

Another voice started.

_"Say what you wanna say,  
and let the words fall out.  
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave."_

I made a weird noise that sounded like it was supposed to be a scream and jumped up.

Austin was standing in the door opening of his bathroom, smirking at me.

He wasn't wearing a shirt.

Blushing, I turned around, facing my back towards him.

"Oh come on, don't stop! I love that song." Austin walked over and sat on the couch next to me.

If he would just put on a shirt, I might be able to stop blushing.

"Come on, continue!" he said. I started playing again, in the hope of feeling a little bit less awkward.

Austin started singing the chorus.

_"I just wanna see you,  
I just wanna see you,  
I just wanna see you,  
I wanna see you be brave." _

I smiled. He did sound good on the song and I fought back the urge to sing along.

_"Innocence, your history of silence,  
Won't do you any good.  
Did you think it would?  
Let your words be anything but empty,  
Why don't you tell them the truth?"_

Austin started bobbing his head and I laughed. Suddenly, it didn't feel awkward any more.

_"Say, what you wanna say,  
And let the words fall out.  
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave."_

The song finished and I put the guitar away. Austin cocked his head to the side and looked at me.

"Why didn't you sing along, Ally? I could tell that you wanted to." I shrugged.

"I don't sing," I answered. I could've told him the reason for that. I could've told him about my stage fright. I could've told him that this song was one of the few things that would make me wish I was brave enough to sing in front of somebody.

Anybody.

But I didn't tell him anything. Because I wasn't sure if I trusted him enough for something like that.

He didn't press the matter. Instead, he got up and stretched.

I quickly turned my back towards him again, hoping to hide the blush that was creeping up on my face.

"I'll go find a shirt." He disappeared into the bathroom.

I sat there for a little while. I had to remember why I was actually here, which was writing an article about this guy. I didn't actually have a lot. I took out my notepad, in the hope of adding some things to it.

_Very talented. _Well, I had to give him that.

"What's that?" The voice was really close to my ear and again, I produced a noise that resembled a scream.

"Will you STOP scaring me?" I yelled.

Austin rolled his eyes.

"What is that?" He pulled the notepad out of my hands. I jumped over the coach, reaching for it, but he held it above his head and I knew I could never reach it, so I stopped trying.

"It's a list. About you. For my article." He furrowed his brows.

"That's not a lot of good qualities." He turned around and grabbed a pen. Then he started scrabbling in my notebook.

"What do you think you're doing?" I ran over to him, trying to grab the notepad back, but he blocked my way with his body and I was too small to go around him.

"I'm adding to your list." He moved a little bit.

Not enough for me to take the notebook, but enough for me to see what he was writing.

_Funny. Loveable. Great cook. Nice. Great music taste. _

He had also underlined _ Handsome._

When I finally got my book back, I wrote something under it.

"Hey, that's not fair! You can't put that in your article!" he said mock-angry.

_Cocky_.

"And why not?" I moved a little closer to him, daring him, my nose almost touching his.

"Because that's not a positive thing!"

"Well, I don't have to be positive, I just have to be truthful," I teased. He came a little closer, and now our noses were actually touching.

But I didn't back down, because I knew that was what he wanted.

"Well, then I guess you should write something else in that little book of yours."

"And what would that be?"

"Tickler." And with that, he started tickling me.

I immediately doubled over, gasping for air, laughing. Now I'm very, very ticklish, and I don't do well with being tickled.

I tried to smack his hands away, but he was too big and strong for me to take on. I fell to the floor, barely able to breath.

"So, do you think you could remove that last word of your list?" he said laughing.

"Never!" I screamed. He rolled on top of me, still tickling me. I tried to roll away, but I couldn't.

And then he stopped.

I wanted to move, but I couldn't. Not just because he was very big and on top of me.

I couldn't move because he was so close. His face was only inches away from mine. I could kiss him if I wanted to.

And boy, did I want to.

It seemed like he was slowly moving closer to me, but maybe I was just imagining things. Or was he actually going to…

"Austin? What are you doing on the floor?"

Mimi's voice scared me out of my trance. I squeaked, shooting up, hitting my head against Austin's.

I could hear him yelp in pain, but I could only focus on Mimi. Her expression bordered between shocked and amused. I shot up, smacking some imaginary dust of my clothes, and walked up to her a little too cheery.

"Good morning Mimi, are you okay? So, what's the plan for today? I'm really looking forward to today!"

God, I needed to learn to stop talking when I was nervous. I wasn't helping myself.

I pushed past her, out of the room, but not before throwing one look back at Austin.

He was sitting on the floor, looking a little sheepish, holding his hand on his head, and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or to cry.

* * *

**Song: Brave by Sara Bareilles**


	9. Chapter 9

I met Mimi, Dez and Austin at the car. Dez told me we were going to the recording studio today.

I'd never been to one before.

Austin and I talked about little things, but neither of us brought up this morning. I didn't even dare to ask him if his head was okay.

But I figured, since his head was bigger, it couldn't possibly hurt more than mine and I was doing okay.

The studio was small. There were a lot of things I didn't know the name of. Sound enhancers, recording devices and all kinds of other stuff.

"Are you going to record a song?" I asked Austin. He was sitting behind the big table with all the buttons that I didn't dare touch.

"Definitely. I want to release a surprise Christmas song but I haven't had time to record it yet," he answered.

I couldn't help but smile. He looked so proud of himself, for thinking of a Christmas song.

It didn't even matter that many, many artists had thought of the same idea lots of Christmases before him. He was so happy with it.

I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes, that seemed to appear any time he talked about something he was proud of. It usually appeared any time his music came to topic.

Not that I was paying attention to his eyes, of course.

He pointed to a stack of printed out papers Dez was holding.

"We have to pick one first."

"Huh?" Being completely absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't immediately knew what he was talking about.

"A song," he smirked. "We have to pick a song."

"You don't write your own songs, do y…?"

Dez started laughing, interrupting me.

"Austin can't write a song to save his life, can you?"

I could swear I saw Austin blush a little.

"Jeez, thanks buddy." He turned to me.

"Do you want to look through the songs with me? You're a girl, and so are most of my fans, so I guess that could work."

I nodded.

I knew this was the moment where I could've casually brought up the fact that I wrote songs.

But I also remembered the conversation we'd had at his first rehearsal. He was used to people using him and his mom for things and if I told him I wrote songs, he might think I wanted to use him too.

That was the plan, of course, when I'd gotten here.

But I had grown to like Austin. Really like him. And somewhere, deep inside me, I hoped I would still get to see him after the article was done. Maybe he could even become a friend.

And I wasn't going to ruin that by risking him thinking I had wrong intentions.

Which I used to have. But he didn't have to know that.

Austin and Dez cornered around the table. Mimi was nowhere to be seen. I figured this wasn't really her part of the business.

I sat down next to Austin, and he handed me a stack of papers.

"Just see which one you like best."

We spend hours looking through papers. Whenever one of us liked one, we would put it on a different deck. Then the others would go through that deck and if one of us didn't like it, it was out.

Austin was very clear on that. He had to like it, but so did Dez and I.

I understood Dez, but I didn't understand why he valued my opinion so much. It couldn't possibly just be because I was a girl, like 95% of his fanbase.

I had, as far as he knew, no experience with song writing or music or production or anything like that.

So why did he care what I thought?

I looked at the next song on my deck. As soon as I read the title, I started to smile.

"Austin, I think I found the one," I said. He looked up, and pointed to the other deck, not saying anything.

"No," I sighed, annoyed because I was so excited about this one. "I really, really think you need to do this one."

Not saying anything, Austin took the song from me. He read it through, a smile spreading across his face. He jumped up.

"Ally, this is amazing! This one is awesome! It's even got New York in the title, it must be faith." Excitedly, he ran towards me.

"It's kind of a Christmas miracle, don't you think?" he grinned. "Thanks Als."

Before I could realize or respond to what he was doing, he pressed his lips to my cheek.

I swear my jaw hit the ground, and blushing fiercely, I looked at my toes.

Austin didn't seem fazed by his action. He walked into the booth. His face had changed.

It was time to work, time to be professional.

Notebook.

_Professional_.

I was actually really impressed with that. He knew how to make fun, but he also knew when to be serious.

Since Dez and Austin both acted like it didn't mean anything at all that Austin just kissed me, I decided to pretend it didn't matter.

It was just a kiss on the cheek, after all. It didn't matter.

So why did my stomach refuse to stop turning?

Dez played around with some of the buttons. I took place on the seat next to him.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" I asked him.

"Not really," he answered. "But it's only a demo, so it doesn't really matter."

I didn't reckon everyone would agree with that statement, but I didn't say anything, because Austin started to sing.

_"It was Christmas eve, in the old tank.  
An old man said to me: won't see another one  
And then they sang a song  
The rare old mountain dew  
I turned my face away and dreamed about you "_

He sounded amazing. Of course he did.

I stared at him while he was singing. His eyes were closed. He was slowly moving along to the beat of the music, making sure not to move to much so he could still sing. He got so into it.

I felt butterflies in my stomach and sighed deeply. I always had a weak spot for guys with a passion for music. I loved seeing a guy get into the music. It always made them more attractive to me.

And he was the most attractive guy I'd ever seen.

Wait, what?

"_Got on a lucky one, came in eighteen to one.  
I´ve got a feeling  
This year´s for me and you  
So happy Christmas  
I love you baby  
I can see a better time  
Where all our dreams come true."_

Great, he was looking at me now. Now I had to deal with the passion for music and the eyes. I felt my stomach flip when he looked into my eyes. And I scolded myself.

What was I doing? A couple of days ago, I hated this guy. And now I was acting like I was all hung up over him.

I needed to stop, right now. I could allow myself to be friends with him. But I couldn't get closer than that.

He would never like a girl like me.

_"I could have been someone  
Well so could anyone  
You took my dreams from me  
When I first found you."_

He could get models, actresses, singers, dancers. He was fun and sweet and cute and I was none of those things.

I turned my eyes away, just to escape his burning look.

I didn't know what I was doing. Why was I even telling myself this? I didn't like him.

_"I kept them with me babe  
I put them with my own  
Can´t make it out alone  
I´ve built my dreams around you_ _"_

The door flew open only seconds after the last note.

"And, how did that sound?" Austin asked. He seemed really excited and Dez did the weird hand shake thingy with him.

"Great," I choked out. He walked past me, his hand brushing my shoulder, and he left the room. Dez followed him, and I knew I was supposed to follow too, but I couldn't.

My shoulder was burning, right where he touched it.

Damn. I did like him.

I was sitting behind the studio, calling Trish. I had to talk to someone about this.

"I can't go to New York now, can I?" I sighed. "Crap, Trish, I never wanted to like this guy!"

"That's how love works, Ally," Trish said. "You can't decide who you fall for. And if you really like Austin, you should tell him."

I snorted. "Heh, yeah, sure. He Austin, I know you're super famous and handsome and wildly popular and you can get anyone you want and I've never had a boyfriend because I'm boring and only average looking, but I'm in love with you. Yeah, you're totally right, that would work."

"Ally! You're not average looking, you're beautiful, and you're not boring." But it didn't matter what Trish said.

She was Trish. She had so say that, she was my best friend.

"You have to go to New York with him. I know you, Ally. And this is your chance. It's New York, it's Christmas, it could be a Christmas miracle!"

"I don't believe in miracles," I muttered.

"Which I still find weird."

That wasn't Trish's voice. I spun around, only to see Austin leaning against the door. I hung up on Trish, not even explaining to her what was going on.

"Uhm, hi Austin. How long have you been standing there?" He looked at me with a weird expression on his face.

"Just long enough to hear you say you don't believe in miracles." He sat down next to me. "Isn't life a bit boring if you don't believe in miracles? You don't believe in happily ever after either? True love?"

Breathing seemed to be exceptionally hard in that moment.

"Uhm, no. It's all made up by people so they can keep hoping for that."

"That's not a bad thing, is it, though? Hope keeps alive, they say."

I shrugged. "They also say hope breeds eternal misery."

He laughed.

"Jeez Ally, you really are a fucking ray of sunshine, aren't you? Now come on, we're going home. There is a big storm coming apparently and we want to be home before it starts raining."

* * *

**Song: Fairytale New York by The Pogues – **Although it's not really a romantic cheesy Christmas song which is how I portrait it in this story


	10. Chapter 10

It started pouring rain just when we arrived at the hotel.

"You better stay here for a while, Ally," Mimi said. "Until it's calmed down a little bit."

It was really bad outside, so I didn't disagree. We went up to Austin's hotel room. Mimi left towards her own, but Dez, Austin and I sat on the couch.

"You want something to drink?" Austin seemed a little uncomfortable. He was clearly trying to be a good host. I giggled at his attempt.

"No thanks. But if we're stuck here tonight, we're going to have to eat."

"You should cook," Dez said. Austin's eyes doubled in size.

"Uhm, yeah, let's not do that."

"Why? You wrote in my book that you're a great cook," I said teasingly. Dez started laughing and Austin started blushing.

"Well…"

"You're not telling me you lied, are you? Because _Liar _would definitely be a characteristic I´d have to include in my article." He was now vigorously blushing and I was really enjoying myself.

"Pff, I wasn't lying. I don't lie. I'll cook for you," Austin bluffed. He turned around in the little hotel kitchen and Dez moved towards me.

"After he fails, we'll order pizza."

I laughed. I really liked Dez. He was bit weird, but good weird.

"Do you wanna put in a movie?" he asked. I nodded. Dez looked through the dvds.

"Man, this is all romantic crap! Where are the Zalien movies?"

Austin popped out from the kitchen.

"They're not crap! I like romantic movies. And I really don't think Ally would appreciate a Zalien movie." I smiled at him, and made a note in my head to include _Romantic_ on the list.

I'd never actually met a guy that liked romantic movies and wasn't ashamed to say so.

But then again, I hadn't met that many guys.

"I'll be fine. As long as they're not really scary."

"They're not," Dez said.

"They are," Austin said at the same moment.

"He's only saying that 'cause he wants to watch some sappy romantic movie with you," Dez laughed.

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Zaliens 1 started playing and Austin disappeared again.

Austin was definitely right, though. After 15 minutes of watching the movie, I had three options left. Burying my head in a pillow, escaping the living room, or never sleeping again.

"Dez, I'm going to check on Austin," I said. I didn't wait for his answer, but bolted to the kitchen.

It really was a little kitchen. I only just managed to squeeze myself in next to Austin without touching him.

It was a good thing I was small.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey."

"You scared?" He motioned towards the living room, clearly indicating the movie.

"Pff, no," I said. My voice went high.

Like it always did when I was lying. So I sighed.

"Yes."

He laughed. It sounded like music in my ears after all the screaming Dez had been doing.

"I always get scared during the Zalien movies. I wasn't lying when I said I like the sappy romantic stuff. Prefer them, actually."

For some reason, I found that really cute.

"How's dinner coming?"

He raised a brow and motioned towards the pan.

"What do you think?"

I started laughing. He was attempting to cook pasta, but it was clear he had cooked it way too long. It was thick and clearly not edible.

"I think you should just throw that away."

"Together with my pride, you mean? No way. It has to be saved!" he said dramatically. I laughed. He started laughing as well, and before I knew it, we were having a laughing fit.

After a couple of minutes, we calmed down. He smiled at me. Suddenly, I realized again how close I was to him.

"So, uhm, yeah. You throw that out and I'll see if we can find a pizzeria that delivers in this weather, yeah?"

I ran out of the kitchen, throwing myself on the couch next to Dez. He looked up at me.

"Pizza time?"

"Pizza it is."

It wasn't pizza. The weather had taken a turn for the worst and no one was sending people out to deliver.

It was actually on the internet. A warning that people should stay inside, not to go out if not needed.

So we settled on noodles. Austin didn't have anything else.

After Zaliens 1, we popped in Titanic. We ignored Dez's protesting, since he had picked the first movie.

Halfway through the movie, I looked around. It was dark outside. The rain was ticking on the windows, and I could hear the wind blowing. I was actually kind of glad I wasn't alone in my dark little apartment right now.

I looked over at the boys. Austin was completely absorbed in the movie, even though he'd admitted he'd already seen it about twenty times.

Dez was counting raindrops on the window, losing count after 5 each time.

If only Trish was here, this could actually be a perfect night.

I kept my eyes focused on Austin. He was so into the movie that I was fairly certain I could just watch him for a little while. I noticed the way his jaw tensed when Rose did something stupid. How a very small, barely noticeable smile crept up on his face when the romantic scenes were there, and how he bit his lip when it was time for the sad part of the movie.

I noticed how his hands were folded in his lap. The hands that were a little rough, something I'd not expected when I first saw him. But they were rough for the right reasons; because they had been playing guitar with passion. Because they had touched thousands of fans. Because they had wrapped around the microphone with force whenever he had to get a high note out.

Suddenly, he turned his head towards me. On reflex, I immediately directed my attention towards the screen, but the movie was finished.

Wow, I had been watching him for a long time. I had to stop doing that. People could think I was a creep.

Or worse, Austin could think I liked him.

Which I did. But he clearly didn't have to know that.

"I'll go talk to my mom about it." I looked up. Crap. I hadn't heard a word of what he had said.

Austin left the room and I turned to Dez.

"So, how long have you been in love with Austin?"

I started having a coughing fit, after accidentally swallowing air I was supposed to inhale. When I finally regained my posture, I sighed.

Denying it wouldn't help me here.

"How'd you know?"

"Girl, the Titanic is a long movie. I would know, because I have spent the entire length of it trying to ignore it. And you just spent the entire length of it staring at Austin like you were ready to jump him."

I could feel I was as red as a tomato.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him. I'm actually really happy you like him. You would be a good girl for him." He stood up. "Like I said, Austin and Ally, it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

I didn't say anything when he left the room.

So much for hiding it. Great job, Ally. Really great job on not being obvious about it.

But I didn't have much time to think about it, because Austin walked in.

"My mom totally agreed with me."

"On what?"

He turned towards me, furrowing his brows again.

"Have you not been paying any attention? You can't go home in this weather, Ally. You're staying with me tonight."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm what?"

"Staying. Here. Tonight. In this hotel room. With me," Austin deadpanned. I swallowed.

That was a bad idea.

"Where's Dez?" Austin asked, clearly oblivious to my uncertainty.

"Uhm, I don't know, he just left."

"Oh well. Dez is a bit weird sometimes."

"Yeah, I've noticed," I muttered. It was silent, while Austin started to clean out our dinner plates.

"Here, let me help you." I launched forward, touching his hand by accident and immediately pulling it back, as if I'd been bitten by a snake.

"That's okay. You can just start making your bed."

"Making my… bed?"

He giggled.

And sounded adorable doing it, might I say.

"Yeah, well, one of us has to sleep on the couch, right? I mean, I wouldn't mind sharing the bed, but I didn't think you would…"

"Definitely not," I interrupted him.

He didn't have to know how tempting that sounded.

I mentally slapped myself. _Jezus Ally, get a grip! What are you doing?_

"Well, then start making your bed. And mine. Because I'll sleep on the couch like a gentleman, but only if you'll get it ready for me," he pouted. I laughed.

That seemed fair enough.

I walked into the bedroom. It was remarkably clean, for a room where a young, single guy had lived for a couple of days.

I was just starting to strip the sheets, when the lights went out.

Crap.

Now normally, I find darkness quite cosy. And I could have known the electricity would fail us, with this kind of storm.

But now, while I just watched a movie about zombie and alien hybrids eating the entire human race, not the mention when it was December and quite cold, I couldn't appreciate Miami's electricity fail.

The door opened, and I hold my breath. But it was just Austin.

Of course it was Austin, who else was I expecting? I mentally slapped myself.

Again. That was happening quite a lot.

"Lights fell out here as well?"

"No, I just like being in the dark," I sneered.

"Suits your personality," Austin joked. I took one of his pillows and threw it his way, but obviously, he caught it without a problem.

He gasped. "Ally, were you trying to start a pillow fight?"

"Noooo!" I yelled, hiding behind the bed. "No, Austin, I'm serious. I'll hurt myself when there is light, imagine what I can do if I can't see."

He laughed. "I guess that's true. My head still hurts. You have quite a hard head, for a small girl."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"I was kidding, Als. I'm fine."

My stomach jumped. Als.

I had forbidden Trish to call me that, because I hated that name, but when he did it, I didn't really mind. It sounded quite cute.

Austin turned around and left the bedroom, calling: "I'll find flash lights and candles, you'll get pillows and blankets!"

"Blankets? For what?" I called after him.

"There is only one thing to do without electricity." He sounded very excited. "We're going to be building a fort!"

Rumbling through the closet and cabinet, trying to find more blankets, I thought about Austin. I wasn't lying when I said a pillow fight would be a bad idea because of my clumsiness.

But it wasn't the entire truth. Honestly, I was a little scared. During the tickle fight, I felt like if Mimi wouldn't have come in, I could've kissed him.

And now, in the dark, without any interruption… I didn't trust myself.

And I really didn't want to ruin this friendship. Because I did feel like Austin could become a really good friend. Now that I knew him better, I felt like he was a great guy, and he might just be what I needed in a friend.

Or in a boyfriend.

_For god's sake, Ally._

When I walked into the living room, there were candles everywhere.

"I only found one flashlight." To demonstrate, Austin aimed the flashlight right in my face. Causing me to almost fall.

He laughed. "Sorry, I have to learn not to do anything too sudden around you."

I sat down on the floor, putting the blankets in front of me.

"I couldn't find that many. People aren't very often cold, in Miami."

Austin got up and left. I watched him with a raised eyebrow. When he came back, he was holding two sweaters. He threw one of them to me.

"Luckily, I was prepared for cold weather."

I put on the sweater. It was grey and warm. And big. It came to my thighs, almost passing as a dress. I sniffed, I wasn't imagining things: it smelled really nice. Like him.

I watched him go into the kitchen and come out with two mugs.

"How did you get hot chocolate?" I asked him, surprised. He smirked.

"It was just done when the power went out. Like I planned it, huh?" He winked at me, as he sat down next to me.

Quite close to me, as well.

A silence fell. But it was a comfortable silence. The kind where I felt I could be in forever.

But as soon as he finished his hot chocolate, Austin broke the silence.

"Do you know what people do when the power is out?"

I shook my head.

"Share their deepest darkest secrets. So, spill." I laughed, until I realized he was being seriously.

Oh dear. I pulled a blanket around me, feeling the cold creep up.

And then, without knowing why or where it came from, I started to talk.

"I would love to be like you. Be able to go on stage and perform. But I can't."

"Why not?" Austin's voice sounded really soft, sweet. Sincere. And I felt a little ashamed for not telling him earlier. I realized I hadn't really told him anything about myself, except for the thing with my parents.

But I would tell him now. He would get it. And I really wanted him to know.

To know me.

"Because I have stage fright. Horrible stage fright. If you only say the word stage I start shaking, and if you actually put me on one, I will puke on the audience and faint and it's just not pretty." I hugged my knees, laying my head on them.

"I really do have a lot of respect for you, Austin. You always perform, you're amazing at it."

He smiled. "I've never had stage fright, so I don't know what I can do to help you, Ally."

"You can't help me," I said softly. "You can't fix me. It's my battle to fight. But you're actually one of the very few people who know."

He reached behind the couch, taking out his guitar.

"Do you think you can sing for me? I know you couldn't earlier, with Brave, but now…"

I shook my head, my eyes widening in horror. He immediately saw that I was freaking out.

He put his hand on my arm. My breathing stopped.

And not because I didn't want to sing.

"It's okay, Als. You don't have to. I'll just sing for you then, yeah?"

And he started playing. I smiled.

I knew this song.

_"And I say oh!  
We're gonna let it show,  
We're gonna just let go of everything  
holding back our dreams.  
And try, to make it come alive.  
C'mon, let it shine, so they can see,  
we're meant to be  
Somebody,  
Somebody, yeah,  
Somehow, some day, some way.  
Somebody." _

I listened to him, until he came to the bridge.

I could do this.

And so I closed my eyes, and opened my mouth.

_"We will walk out of the darkness,  
Feel the spotlight glowing like a yellow sun.  
And when we fought we fought together,  
Till we get back up and we will rise as one."_

My voice died at the end, and he started singing again. I slowly opened my eyes, looking into his, and I don't know how, but I kept myself singing. And in that moment, it was just us two and the music, and it didn't seem so scary anymore.

_"Oh, we're gonna let it show.  
We're just gonna let go of everything,  
holding back our dreams.  
And try, to make it come alive,  
C'mon, let it shine, so they can see,  
we're meant to be  
somebody._

_Somehow, some day, some way,  
somebody."_

As the music died down, I turned my head away.

I just realized what I'd done.

What if he hated it? What if he thought I was terrible?

What if he thought I was only trying to be friends with him so I could sing for him? What if he thought I was using him?

"Ally?"

Oh god.

"Als, could you please look at me."

I turned around. He was a lot closer than I expected. I hold my breath.

"Thank you."

That wasn't the response I was expecting.

"Thank you, for trusting me." He put his guitar away, and smiled at me.

"By the way, I think you sound amazing. Not as amazing as me, but still relatively amazing." He said the last part with mock-cockiness and I laughed. He stared at me for a while, a small smile on his lips.

I shuddered under his look.

"Are you cold?" It seemed to snap him out of his thought.

"I'm…" I started, meaning to say I was fine, but he was already crawling closer to me.

"I don't have another blanket, but you can share mine."

I couldn't finish my sentence, the words stuck in my throat, as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest. He tucked me in, wrapping his blanket as well as my own around me.

"Better?" he whispered.

"Yeah," I brought out.

It was better. Much better.

But it wasn't because of the blankets. It was because I could feel his heart beating, and I could feel his arm around me, and I could feel his breath in my hair.

And I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.

* * *

**Song: Somebody by Bridgit Mendler**


	12. Chapter 12

When I woke up that morning, I was a little disorientated. I looked around, seeing a lot of burned out candles, a lot of blankets, a lot of legs…

Wait, what.

I slowly moved my legs. Well, two of them were definitely mine.

Then, the memory of yesterday came back.

The legs that were currently entangled with mine were Austin's. And the chest I was resting on was Austin's. And the hand on my stomach? Also Austin's.

I moved a little bit, slowly as to not to wake him, so I could look at him.

He was still sleeping. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyelids were moving. He was probably dreaming.

I was wondering what his dream was about.

I was also wondering what I should do. The normal thing to do was probably getting up, or at least moving so that I wasn't so close to Austin anymore.

But, if I would move, I would probably wake him up.

Also, I didn't really want to move.

So I decided to close my eyes again and pretend that I was sleeping. I would just wake until Austin would wake up, so that he could make the decision.

Except I didn't know Austin could sleep that long.

After an hour being completely comfortable, I started to need the bathroom. Really, really need the bathroom.

So I started to move. First, I pulled my legs away from under his. Then, I slowly started to detach his arm from my waist.

He groaned.

I stopped.

I waited for a couple of minutes, before beginning with the second try.

Again, the groan. This time, his eyelids started to flutter, and then he opened them.

Sort of.

"Sorry for waking you," I whispered. "But you've kind of got me in a headlock, here."

A lazy smile appeared on his face. Then, he turned around, laying on his side.

Taking me with him, since he still had his arm wrapped around my waist. With a small squeak, I fell over him, now laying on the other side, as he pulled me against him again, this time burying his head in my hair.

Great, so he wasn't exactly awake.

I sighed.

It wasn't that I minded him using me as a life-sized teddy bear. If I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I quite enjoyed it, actually.

But I had to pee. Badly.

I decided to go for the more aggressive tactic. I rolled around, half on my back, so I could reach him, and started pulling his arm.

"Austin!" I yelled. "Wake up!"

No response.

Was this guy asleep or unconscious?

Then, I got an idea.

It was mean, I admit that. But there was nothing else I could do.

If I stretched as far as I could, I could just reach the flower vase.

The flower vase filled with water.

When I splashed a bunch of water in his face, Austin didn't even scream. He shot up, gasping, his eyes wide open in horror, his mouth shaped like he was about to scream, but no sound came out.

"Sorry!" I started, immediately getting up.

"But I really have to use the bathroom!" I ran into the bathroom, still laughing at Austin's face.

I could hear him curse at me in the background.

When I came out of the bathroom, fully clothed and ready for the day, Austin was sitting on the kitchen counter. He had wrapped himself in a towel, and he was pouting.

He was very closely resembling a drowned kitten.

I suppressed a giggle.

"You," he deadpanned, "are a really bad guest."

"I tried to wake you!" I protested. "But you're not very easy to wake up!"

"And you couldn't just go to the bathroom without waking me?"

"No!" I pulled a face. "Because you were holding me like I was the last pancake on earth."

He gasped.

"Wow, then I must've been holding you really tight."

"Exactly." I giggled now. "You are very strong, and I am very small."

"That's true." He got up, walking to the bathroom.

"As soon as I've showered, I'm bringing you home. You've got to go get your bags."

"When is our plane leaving?" I asked, surprised over his sudden hurry.

"In two hours."

* * *

"I can't believe I'm late for a plane!" I cried out. "I'm never late! For anything!"

We were running through the airport. After he'd woken up, Austin found out Mimi and Dez were ready to leave already. He figured two hours would be plenty of time to shower, get my bags, and drive to the airport.

It wasn't.

"Don't worry, they'll hold the plane for me. I'm a celebrity, after all," Austin said.

I shot him the deadliest look I could manage while running and trying not to fall and break my neck.

Because that really wasn't the right timing now.

The only good thing about this fiasco was that there was no time for me and Austin to get awkward around each other.

Although I didn't think Austin would ever get awkward around anyone.

But I only just realized that I'd spent the night cuddled up in Austin's arms when I was clearly in love with him and he clearly saw me as just a friend, at best, and I'd only just realized that might not be the best combination ever.

We ran in just in time for the plane to leave. The air-hostess wasn't extremely happy with us, but when Austin gave her his flashing smile, she seemed to forget about everything.

Because we'd bought the tickets this late, and it was Christmas week, the plane was completely full and we didn't have first class seats. Not that I ever did, but the others weren't used to Economy.

"It's so small!" Austin complained, moving his feet around, kicking me in the progress.

"Stop moving!" I said. "You're behaving like a little kid." He looked at me, smiling, his eyes twinkling.

"Al-ly, are we there already?"

"We haven't even left, Austin."

"Are we there now?"

I shot him another deadly look.

"I am not afraid to ask that guy next to your mom to switch with me."

Austin looked over.

I was sitting in the window seat, with Austin next to me, and Dez next to Austin. On the other side of the path was Mimi, with next to her an older man that was a little overweight.

He looked as if he'd smell.

Austin slumped back in his seat, and I smiled triumphantly.

I was always good with kids.

I wouldn't have worried about Austin the rest of the trip, because he fell asleep only 5 minutes after take-off. His head started bobbing and then it fell on my shoulder.

Since I'd spent the entire night sleeping on him, I didn't push him away.

Also because he looked really cute while he slept.

"So Ally, are you planning on telling Austin you like him?"

I nearly spit out my complimentary glass of water.

"Dez!" I hissed. "Shut up!"

Again with the swearing. These boys had a really bad influence on me.

"What, he's fast asleep. You'll notice, once he's asleep, it takes a lot to wake him up."

"I've noticed," I said, the sarcasm dripping from my voice.

I slumped back in my chair, slowly, so Austin's head wouldn't roll of my shoulder. I stared out of the window.

Would I tell Austin I liked him while in New York? I sighed.

Yeah, unlikely.


	13. Chapter 13

"New York is so beautiful," I told Trish.

I was sitting in my hotel room. The plane ride was exhausting, but I'd managed to keep myself awake during the flight and the cab ride to the hotel.

I was the only one. Austin and Mimi slept on the plane and Dez fell asleep in the cab.

The hotel was beautiful. I had my own room, with a huge bed. I could actually lie on it any way I wanted, it was so big that I fitted on anyway.

Yes, I tried that.

It was late. Tomorrow would be a busy day. I figured I wouldn't have time to talk to Trish, so I'd called her now.

But I was really tired, and lying on my bed, I could feel my eyes closing on their own.

"I bet. But I don't really care about New York City, darling. I want to know how your crush is doing."

"He's fine," I muttered.

"Oh come on Ally, details!" Trish whined. I knew she wouldn't leave it alone, so I decided that short and sweet would be a good approach.

"There's not a lot to tell. We slept together. And I mean sleeping in the most innocent sense of the word, Trish. We just fell asleep. And then I woke him up by throwing a vase with water in his face."

"You threw a _vase_?" Trish exclaimed. I laughed.

"Oh god, no, only the water."

"Wow, that's kind of mean for you Ally." She paused. "I'm so proud of you. Why did you throw water at him?"

I explained.

"I've got to go, Trish." I yawned. "I'm really tired and it's going to be so busy tomorrow. I need to find the time to write that article, because your boss told me it has to be out before Christmas. And Austin has to rehearse for his big performance and I have to find the time to buy my dad a Christmas present and…"

"Okay, I get it. Goodnight Ally!"

"Night Trish," I muttered, but I was already half asleep.

* * *

I figured that if I would ignore it, it would go away.

But it didn't.

"Yes, I'm coming, for the love of god!" I yelled, making my way to the door.

Having someone bang on my door for half an hour wasn't my favourite way to wake up. I opened the door, ready to give the person, who I was convinced was a hotel employee, a piece of my mind.

"Do you have any idea… Austin. Hi."

"Hey Als! You awake?" Austin pushed passed me, inviting himself in.

"I am now."

He turned around and looked at me. Stared at me, even. And suddenly, I became very aware of what I was wearing.

Which was very little.

"You're wearing my sweater," Austin smirked. I started to blush.

That was also the only thing, except for my underwear, I was wearing. I'd packed it because I knew New York could be cold and I figured I would sneak it back in his suitcase when we went back.

"Why are you up so early?" I changed the subject. Luckily, he went with it.

"Because we have so much to do! I can't believe you were still sleeping." His smile grew even bigger than it already was.

"We're going Christmas shopping!"

"But I can't," I stuttered.

"Why?"

"Because I have to write your article."

I didn't actually want to remind him of that. I didn't want to remind him that I was only here for one reason and that he wouldn't see me after that ever again.

Because I wished he could just forget that part.

"Well, you'll have to do that later. Get dressed, come on, we have to hurry!" Austin exclaimed.

I muttered some reasons why we shouldn't go under my breath, but I walked into the bathroom, leaving Austin behind in my room.

He sounded so happy that I didn't have the heart to tell him no.

Also, I preferred Christmas shopping with Austin over writing an article about Austin Moon.

Because to me, they were two very different people.

Austin Moon was the guy that threatened to kill me if I used his mother for anything fame related. Austin Moon was the guy that nearly punched me in the face when I broke his guitar. Austin Moon was the guy with the sarcastic words, the one that didn't like me.

Austin was the guy that liked romantic movies and swing sets. Austin was the guy that I trusted enough to sing to, Austin was the guy that asked me to come to New York with him. Austin was the guy that I liked.

So I got dressed, wrapped myself in a scarf and a beanie and gloves and a coat and a sweater and boots and anything else that could keep me warm, and we left.

I thought Dez and maybe Mimi would be coming with us, but I didn't see them.

Austin saw me look around.

"Just us two, Als. We all have to shop apart because we have to buy stuff for each other."

So he wasn't planning on buying me anything.

I got into his car, mentally slapping myself again. Of course he wasn't going to buy me anything, I was just a reporter for a magazine that was only interested in his mistakes.

When we arrived at the shopping street, my bad mood disappeared.

"Oh my god, look how pretty!" I squeaked. In excitement, I grabbed Austin's arm. He started laughing and I immediately let go.

I needed to control myself.

"I thought you didn't believe in Christmas," said Austin teasingly.

"I love Christmas. I don't believe in Christmas miracles." We started walking.

In the end, I ended up buying a really cool vintage guitar for my dad. Austin got recognized by the girl in the music store so she gave us a big discount.

I got a voucher for a spa treatment for Trish. I wanted something more personal, but couldn't find anything, and I knew this would be the only occasion I had to actually buy presents.

I bought something for Austin too, when he was out buying a videogame for Dez.

It was necklace. It immediately reminded me of him. On the end was a little whistle.

It was, according to the saleswoman, a special kind of whistle, one that was actually very often used to imitate bird calls. The people that used it found birds superior organisms that mastered art in a way humans could only ever dream of.

It reminded me of him, because he was mastering art.

Also, he could whistle if he was ever lost or something.

Like people do with small kids and dogs.

I was planning to leave it in his suitcase when we went home. He would find it when we would have already said goodbye, so it wouldn't be awkward because he didn't buy me anything.

When we were both done, Austin pulled me into a coffee shop.

"You are very brave," I giggled, remembering our very first encounter.

"I am, yes. But I'm holding the coffee. At all times. I will feed it to you."

I laughed. Austin turned to the barista.

"Hey! Could I have a cappuccino and a… Ally, what do you want? A hazelnut latte?"

How on earth did he know my coffee order?

I must've looked really surprised, because Austin smirked.

"You can't throw coffee all over me and not expect me to notice the flavour."

"That's weird! That's…" I couldn't finish my sentence, because Austin started laughing really hard, and I realized he hadn't been serious. "Oh."

"Your room service gets charged to my account," he explained.

I did order coffee yesterday evening, knowing it would give me just enough energy to deal with Trish. I completely forgot that he had paid for my room and that, therefor, my room service would also be paid by him.

"I'll pay you back for that," I told him, after nodding yes to the barista and she went off to make our coffee.

"Nah, that's fine," he said.

Then when I wanted to pay for our coffees, he smacked my wallet away. We walked to our table.

"You didn't have to pay for me, Austin," I said softly.

"And you didn't have to come to New York with me. It's only fair, Ally," he answered, adding my name like I'd done.

We sat down, and I decided to ask the question I'd been wanting to ask him for a long time.

"Why did you ask me to come with you to New York?"

He shrugged off his coat. I realized the beanie looked really cute on him. I also realized it probably wouldn't look cute on me, so I took mine off. Then I waited for him to answer.

It didn't take him long.

"Because I like you, Als. You're nice. Dez is my only friend, and he can be a bit…" He paused, thinking of the right word.

"Weird," he finally decided. "I feel like I can talk to you about anything. I don't have that with Dez, because I don't always feel like he understands me." He sipped his coffee.

"You do. You know me by heart. And I don't know how, because I haven't known you for long and we spent the first days not understanding each other at all."

I wished I could tell him that I felt the same. But I couldn't. Because I couldn't talk to him about everything. I couldn't talk to him about my song writing.

"Also, I don't think you want anything from me, which is a first," Austin said, with a smile on his face.

And that was exactly the reason why.

But I did feel that Austin understood me in a way Trish didn't. And I did know that I really wanted to keep Austin close to me.

And I knew that just Trish wasn't enough anymore. Austin and Trish, they were really different kind of friends.

But I needed both of them. I needed Trish, like I'd always had. But now, I also needed Austin.

Really bad.

So the song writing would just have to be held a secret from him. Forever.


	14. Chapter 14

We spent a while in the coffee shop, chatting and joking and laughing. But we couldn't stay there all day, as much as I wanted to.

Because tonight was a special night. And Austin needed to rehearse.

I was planning on going back to the hotel, skipping rehearsal so I could finish, or start, the article, but that wasn't happening.

"You need to go with me, Ally," Austin pouted, when I told him my plans.

"Why?" I protested. "I'm not going to be of any help."

"No," he smiled cheekily, "but I'll miss you too much."

I could feel a blush creeping up, and I bit my lip. _He's just joking, Ally, stop it. _

"You won't miss me, you'll be way too busy," I answered.

I was getting up, ready to leave. Although I really wanted to go with Austin, I needed to get that article done.

And maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take a little distance from him. I could feel myself getting more attached every moment I spent with him, and I couldn't do that. I was just setting myself up for heartbreak.

And I never let myself get hurt. I always protected myself. And he wasn't going to be the one to change that.

Austin's hand grabbed my wrist, stopping me from walking away.

"I'll never be busy enough to not miss you," he said softly.

And for a second, looking into his eyes, it didn't feel like he was joking anymore.

But I was probably just making that up.

I sighed, giving up. I knew my limit, I couldn't resist the puppy eyes.

The article would have to wait.

* * *

We met Mimi and Dez at the venue. It was a really big stadium. There were famous people everywhere, since Austin was obviously not the only person to perform on The Night Before Christmas.

There were also bodyguards everywhere.

Austin had to wait for sound check until some other girl was done.

I stood in front of the stage, my hands buried in my pockets. Austin was somewhere backstage doing stuff that was probably very important and definitely not something I could help with, so I stayed were I was, watching the girl performing.

She had a great voice. I didn't know her. And I didn't like her songs that much.

I suddenly got the urge to start writing, using her songs and making them good, but I couldn't.

And not just because I didn't have my songbook with me.

I watched her for a little longer. When Mimi came up to me, I could tell by her eyes that something was wrong.

"Ally?"

"Yeah?"

She paused. I felt my worry grow.

"Could you, maybe, talk to Austin for a little bit? He's really nervous," she said. I nodded, happy that it wasn't something really serious.

But when I walked up to Austin, I realized it might be more serious than I thought.

He was sitting on the floor with his acoustic guitar. Dez was sitting next to him and he looked just desperate. Austin was playing a familiar song, but I could tell he was playing it all wrong, messing up the chords.

And Austin knew that, as well. His jaw was clenched and his brows furrowed.

He looked ready to break this guitar, and this time, he didn't need my help with that.

"Austin?" I asked softly. Dez looked up, seeming relieved that I was here, and he practically ran away. I took his place next to Austin.

I could tell Austin was feeling completely different from just an hour ago when we were sitting in the café.

"It's not working!" he said. His voice sounded angry, but he held back. I knew that was dangerous. If people held back anger, it only came out ten times stronger when it did.

"Yes it is. You know this, Austin. You're just nervous. That's normal, it's a big show." I smiled. "Believe me, I know nervous. But you can do this." I put my hand on his arm.

"You'll be fine."

He looked up, and sighed. He put down his guitar and the anger disappeared. He just looked sad, now.

Somehow, that made me feel even worse.

"The thing is, it's not because it's a big show and it's on telly and stuff. I don't really care about that, Als. I just…" He stopped and took a deep breath.

Good god, please don't let him cry.

I never knew what to do with crying people. I hated watching people cry. I always wanted to hold them so tightly, trying to hold them together while they fell apart.

But I knew I couldn't do that with Austin.

"I cancelled my concert for this."

"Rescheduled," I interrupted. "It's different."

"Well, they're still mad at me for it. And if I mess up this performance now… I just…"

The pause again.

"I don't want to let them down."

Not knowing what came over me, I grabbed his hand.

"You will not let them down. I promise. They will be so proud of you."

"Will you?" he asked softly.

I looked up in shock, processing what he'd just said. Then I figured that he was probably just looking for reassurance.

From anybody and everybody, really.

It wasn't just from me. So I decided to answer as honestly as I could, because that was probably what he needed right now.

"Yes," I said firmly. "I will be proud of you no matter what. And so will your real fans. Forget about the rest of them, Austin. The only ones that matter are the ones that care about you, okay. Like I do," I added.

And then Austin did something I didn't expect. He pulled his hand out of mine, only to put in on my back, pulling me into a big hug.

His arms wrapped around my back. I put my head on his shoulder. Since we were still sitting, I fell over a little bit under the force, leaning on him, almost sitting in his lap really.

But he wasn't letting me go.

And I surely wasn't going to make him.

We stayed like that for what felt like minutes but was probably only seconds, when someone called his name. He let me go and got up.

It was time for his rehearsal.

* * *

I was on my own in my hotel room. Rehearsals didn't go too bad, but not really good either, so Austin was a bit down. We all felt that he needed a little space, so we just went back to the hotel.

He would have one last rehearsal tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow evening, he would perform it live. In front of millions of people watching it on television, and thousands of people in the stadium.

Hell, that made me feel nervous.

I was sitting on my bed, with my laptop in front of me. I knew I had to start the article. Finish it, even. But I couldn't think of anything good to write.

I could hardly write about _Austin Moon, the guy who seemed like a jerk and then turned out to be really awesome and stole my heart. _

No, that wouldn't cut it.

Also, I couldn't find my book, so I couldn't look at the list, and I couldn't be bothered to look for it either.

Also, I was still thinking about the hug. How it felt so right to be in his arms.

Like I belonged.

And so I closed my laptop. Luckily, I couldn't be fired from this job since I was never really hired in the first place. The article would have to wait.

But there was something else I could write. Because although I had nothing to say in my article, but I definitely had a lot to say.

Now I'd been writing songs for years, and I'd always been good with words. But when it came to Austin, I suddenly seemed to forget how to pronounce words and create sentences.

I looked for my songbook, but I couldn't find it. Normally, that would send me into a frenzy, but right now, I just had to get this words on paper before they escaped me.

Because I didn't know what to say to him to make him understand what I felt. But that didn't mean I didn't have any words at all.

I grabbed a piece of paper, crumpled, but I didn't care.

_I could write books in my sleep, without thinking too deep.  
I could speak for a hundred days,  
I could explain a concept that you didn't get  
And I could do it in a thousand ways._

_I just wanna tell you I love you, but it´s the hardest thing to say.  
I turn my head upside down, trying to find some kind of way,  
to tell you I need you, in a way that will be heard.  
I try to be a poet,  
But ever since I met you, I haven't been good with words._

I smiled. The writing went without thinking, without doubts. I knew this was going to be a great song.

Perhaps because it was all written from a place of truth.

_There's only so many different ways  
There's only so many old clichés,  
that I can do.  
So what can I do, tell me what I can do._

_I just wanna tell you I love you, but it´s the hardest thing to say.  
I turn my head upside down, trying to find some kind of way,  
to tell you I need you, in a way that will be heard.  
I try to be a poet,  
But ever since I met you, I haven't been good with words._

I stopped. This was good.

"You should keep this," I muttered to myself. But I couldn't keep it on this crumpled piece of paper.

Songbook.

I looked under the bed, on the desk, in my suitcase, everywhere. But I couldn't find it, and panic was striking.

Suddenly, I felt a cold shiver creep across my spine. I remembered now.

I left it on my pillow.

In sight.

If someone would've walked into my room, they would've had a clear view of it.

It was clicking in my head, like there was a row of domino pieces and someone had just tipped over the first one.

There were only two people that would've been in my room today. The cleaning lady, and Austin. When I went to get dressed, he had been in my room.

Alone.

And why would the cleaning lady take my book?

"No," I whispered. But in my heart, I knew.

Everything was ruined.

And I ran, hoping I might be on time.

When I got to his room, the door was slightly open. I pushed against it, revealing Austin sitting on his bed.

I wasn't on time.

And in his hands was my notebook.

I could feel the colour drain from my face.

He saw my songs.

"I can't believe you," he said. His voice was bitter, full of anger, and I cringed at the sound of it. I ran up to him, and, against better judgement, tried to explain.

"No Austin, you don't understand…"

"Oh I understand." He got up from the bed. His eyes had turned dark brown and he looked so angry.

"These aren't existing songs. I would know, because I know almost every song ever written. Meaning that you wrote them. Meaning that you write songs." He threw the book on the table.

I tried to take his arm, make him listen to me, but he pulled away with force, nearly throwing me against the wall behind me.

"And the only reason that you wouldn't tell me about them, is because I was right about you from the start. I knew it! You are just using me. What was your plan, Ally? Asking my mom to get you in contact with someone? Pretending to like me so she would help you?"

"No!" I cried out, but he didn't let me finish.

"I thought you were different! I thought you cared about me, me as a person. But you're just like the rest of them. All you see is Austin Moon, the guy that can help you get somewhere."

"I never…"

"You never gave a damn about me. And to think I liked you. Really liked you, too. I thought… I thought I knew you."

As sudden as thunder, his anger disappeared. And his face turned to the expression I'd feared most.

The only thing I wanted to save him from.

Hurt.

He sat down on the bed, his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

"Just leave."

You know how in the movies, someone says something, and this montage of flashbacks starts? That was happening to me at that moment. Those words reminded me of the very first time I saw him.

When he told me to leave, because he was angry at me.

How I wished he would be angry now. Because I knew anger would fade.

Just like it did last time.

But I'd hurt him, badly, and it wouldn't just go away. Sorry wasn't enough.

You know that thing that people say sometimes, that a heart is like a mirror? When it breaks, you can put it back together, but you can never really fix it, because you will always see the cracks.

I broke Austin's mirror.

The flashbacks continued. When I thought he was a jerk. When I found out he was okay. "Will you go to New York with me?" All the advice I'd given him. The hurt in his eyes when he talked about his dad.

How his eyes looked just as hurt, now, but only now, I was the reason.

When I found out he was actually amazing. When I realized I liked him. The night in his hotel room, feeling his heartbeat while I snoozed, his breath against my skin.

When I realized I needed him.

And here he was, right in front of me. But he had never been so far out of my reach.

I couldn't say anything else. Because it wouldn't matter.

And I couldn't cry. Because it wouldn't matter.

So I took me notebook, and I left.

Leaving him behind. Leaving everything behind.

_I just wanna tell you I love you, but it's the hardest thing to say._

I sat down on my bed. Looking at the page on which the notepad was opened. It was my Austin list.

And at the bottom, he had added something else.

And when I read that, I finally burst, letting it all out. I started crying, proper crying, sobbing. I could almost feel my heart breaking.

Because I'd come so close to having it all.

_Austin is:_

- _Appreciative of his fans._

- _Childish._

- _Protective of his family._

- _Handsome._

- _Amazing performer._

- _Very talented._

- _Funny._

- _Loveable. _

- _Great cook._

- _Nice._

- _Great music taste._

- _Cocky._

- _Professional._

- _Romantic. _

- **_In love with you._**

* * *

**Song: Words by Darren Criss**


	15. Chapter 15

I rested my head on the seat. I was on the plane back home. Luckily, someone cancelled, so I could take an earlier flight.

I felt empty. I had spent hours crying in bed, before I decided that crying wouldn't solve anything and I should just go home.

I hadn't said goodbye to Dez and Mimi. They would hate me, too.

I had, however, left Austin's Christmas present in my room. Maybe he would find it.

Maybe the cleaning lady got a nice Christmas present.

I couldn't bring myself to care.

I looked at my laptop in front of me. I'd just received a very angry email from Trish's boss that the article had to be on this afternoon. So I had to write something.

I could feel tears burning again, but I bit them back. I guessed Austin would read this article. Or at least Mimi would.

So this was kind of my goodbye.

And I'd better make it good.

*Austin's POV*

"You have to come out of bed, sweetie." I groaned, ignoring my mom.

Maybe if I ignored her, she would leave.

"I know you're hurt, baby. But you have a big performance, and you can't just let that slip away because of one girl."

I knew she was trying to help.

But Ally wasn't just a girl. And the performance could dissolve into thin air, for all I cared.

"Think of your fans."

Those were the only words that could get to me right now and she knew it.

I knew she was right. Slowly, I hauled myself out of bed. My mom gave me a sympathetic look before leaving the room.

I looked at Dez, who was sitting on a chair, just staring at me.

"Stop looking at me like that," I muttered. I put on a shirt I found next to my bed.

I wasn't sure if it was clean.

I didn't care.

"I'm not looking at you like anything, buddy. But you really look like crap."

"Thanks dude." I didn't say anything else. He wouldn't understand.

Ally was special. Or I thought she was. I thought she got me. I felt like I got her.

She was the first girl that had ever meant this much to me.

But it was all lies. Nothing of it was real.

I sighed. I was such an idiot. I needed to stop trusting people.

I had already missed the last rehearsal by lying in bed and staring at the ceiling or burying my head in my pillow to stop myself from crying.

Or to stop people from seeing.

I sat on my bed again. Dez wouldn't understand, but he was the only one who would at least listen.

"I really liked her, Dez."

"I know, mate," he answered. "You could even say you love her."

"Loved," I said bitterly. "Past tense."

"I don't think it's past tense, mate. Because if it was, you wouldn't have been crying your eyes out for the past ten hours."

Well, so much for stopping people from seeing.

"It doesn't matter anyway." I shook my head vigorously, squeezing my own hands just a little too tight. "She doesn't care about me."

I looked at the necklace with the whistle. Mom brought it to me when she came to tell me that Ally had left.

I knew she would leave.

She didn't even fight for us.

Because she didn't care. Her plan fell through, so there was nothing left for her here.

It was a nice necklace. A great present, actually. I would've loved it. Worn it every day.

But it didn't matter now.

Because she didn't care.

"She does care about you, actually. A lot," Dez said. I looked up at him.

He couldn't be serious right now.

"Dez, she lied to my face!"

"Technically, she didn't really lie. She just hid the fact that she wrote songs. And I can't blame her."

He had to be kidding.

"Excuse me?"

"Mate, look how you reacted! You literally threw her out of your life. You never trusted her to begin with. She was right, if she would have told you, you would've thought she was using you. Just like you're thinking now!" Dez explained.

Then he made a weird movement with his arms, that kind of resembled a really strange butterfly.

"You're in love with her. And she is in love with you. And you're an idiot for not seeing it."

I didn't even answer. He just didn't understand.

"Before you decide anything about Ally, I think you should read this." Dez came up to me, handing me a laptop.

"What is it?" I asked, not really keen on reading anything right now.

"Her article on you."

I sighed, knowing Dez wouldn't stop bothering me until I read it. Also, I might be just a little curious as to what Ally had written.

But whatever I was expecting, it wasn't this.

_"I got the honour of spending a week with Austin Moon. The only thing I had to do was write a little article on him, full of things that even the big fans wouldn't know. _

_Now I can tell you all about how he can act a bit cocky, but it's all just a joke. An act, to hide the fact that he can get really insecure if his fans don't agree with something he does, because everything he does is for them. I can tell you all about how much he loves, truly loves, his fans._

_But you all probably know that._

_I can also tell you all about what a terrible cook he is. And how his favourite movies are chick flicks. And about how he wants to fly._

_You might not have known that. But you might have._

_I can tell you that he's amazingly talented and, as he insisted I would put in this article, very handsome._

_But you obviously know that. _

_So I'm not going to talk about all of these things._

_I'm going to talk about the person Austin is. The little things._

_Like how he has different sorts of smiles. Only one genuine smile. That he doesn't use a lot._

_Like how he prefers the Titanic over Zaliens, because the Zalien movies scare him. _

_Like how he is impossible to wake up when he is sleeping, and you should never ever try to wake him. Ever. _

_Like how he is the nicest person I've ever met. He is not only a gentleman. The thing that makes Austin the nicest person I've ever met, and probably ever will meet, is because he cares._

_Like really, really cares. About the people he loves. He will protect them, no matter what it costs. I found that one out first handed. _

_Because when Austin loves you, he will put you above everything. He will do anything for you. He will be anything you want him to be. _

_Now you might think, how I would know all of these things. I admit, I never particularly liked pop sensation Austin Moon._

_But the guy I met? Austin? I feel like I know him. And like he knows me. Really knows me._

_He knows my heart by heart, you could say._

_If you want to idolize someone, if you want to love someone, Austin Moon is a really good choice. So if you're a fan of Austin's, than congratulations, you've made a great decision. _

_And if you don't like him, well, give him a chance anyway. _

_Because I did, and I fell deeply, irrevocably, irrationally in love with him. Not with famous popstar Austin Moon, but with Austin, the boy whose eyes will tell you everything you need to know in life."_

"Dez?" I said softly, trying to hide the crack in my voice. Trying to bite back my tears.

"Yeah buddy?"

"I messed up, didn't I?"

"Yes."

I cringed. I really made a mess of things if even Dez was seeing it so clearly.

"I need to fix it."

"Yes. You do. And I know exactly how."

Now mostly, you shouldn't take anything Dez says too seriously. Because the biggest part of what he says will be completely unuseful and the other part doesn't make any sense.

But he actually did have the solution. And since I couldn't think of anything better, I had to trust his judgement now.

He had been right about Ally, after all.

Unlike me.


	16. Chapter 16

"Are you sure you're okay, Ally?" Trish sounded worried.

You know it's really bad when Trish is worried about you.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said softly, placing the chicken in the oven.

I wasn't fine.

I'd spent the first couple of hours after my arrival crying in my bed. I'd called Trish, explaining everything to her.

I had kind of hoped that she would come to my place and we could celebrate Christmas eve by sulking, eating junk food and watching sad romantic movies, but I should've known that that's not how Trish works.

So not even an hour later, Trish was standing on my doorstep, all ready to go to my dad's Christmas party, and I didn't have a choice anymore.

I'd told my dad that I was back early because my work with Austin was done.

Which wasn't a lie, strictly spoken.

There were a lot of people at the party, so no one was really paying attention to me. Which was better, because I wasn't in the mood for chit chat.

I was really bad at it anyways. I never knew what to say. And now, there was so much I could say. So many stories to tell.

But I wasn't ready to talk about the person that was involved in all of them yet.

Trish had left me alone too, checking up on me every now and then. She would ask me if I was okay, and I would say yes, and she would understand that I needed to be left alone for a bit.

"Yes."

She shot me a sceptical look, telling me that I wasn't fooling anyone, but she didn't press it.

Through all the chatter, I could hear the television. And that, right there, was a big source of my nervousness.

Because apparently, my dad watched 'The Night Before Christmas' every year. And he wasn't skipping this year.

I knew I could just switch off the television, but I also knew that would bring up questions and I didn't want to answer those.

And if I was being really, really honest with myself, I knew that I wanted to see Austin.

I don't know if it's a sort of torture, but I feel like when you lose something, you always want it more. Like when you realise you haven't seen that blue shirt in a while, and suddenly every outfit seems to need a blue shirt.

I suddenly needed an Austin.

No, that wasn't true, I had needed Austin for days. But I suddenly needed him more than ever before.

And if an image on television was all I could get, then I would have to live with that.

Not seeing him would probably heal my heart faster.

But I wasn't interested in mending my heart. I was just interested in holding on to that past week as much as I possibly could, for as long as I could.

I made my way to the couch, leaving Trish behind. 'The Night Before Christmas' had been on quite a while, which meant that Austin had to be there soon enough.

I nestled myself in the corner of the couch, squeezing one of the pillows, because I had to squeeze something, and I waited.

People offered me drinks, food. I declined.

People tried to talk to me. I didn't respond.

When they asked my dad what was wrong with me, he said I was just tired. Rough week. Then he would tell them about me hanging around with 'that popular singer kid that's on telly a lot'.

After a while, Trish sat next to me, shooing people away with her judging look.

"He is coming on, right?" she asked. It had been thirty minutes, and the show was almost over.

But Austin hadn't performed yet.

"I think so," I answered. "I can't see why not."

Trish raised an eyebrow.

"I can," she muttered under her breath. I decided ignoring her would probably be the best way to deal with her, right now.

I wanted to talk as little as possible.

I looked over at my dad. He was chatting with the neighbour. He looked so happy.

He had lost my mom, whom he had really loved. How could he still be so happy?

Maybe what they said was true. Maybe time really did heal everything.

On the other hand there was the story with the fallen mirror, that you could put back together, but would never be whole again.

And right now, that story sounded a whole lot more believable.

"Please welcome our final performer for the night, Austin Moon!"

I felt my heart drop, turning to the television.

The entire room fell silent. By now, they had all heard the story of me spending the week with Austin, and I think they all instinctively knew that this was a moment that needed silence.

Austin walked on stage, sitting behind a piano. I furrowed my brow. That wasn't what he'd rehearsed.

He looked handsome as ever. But I did notice a change in his eye.

He didn't look so sad and disappointed anymore.

He almost looked… okay.

And for some reason, that hurt me much more than it probably should have.

His voice shook me from my thought.

I closed my eyes for a second. Just so I could pretend he was sitting right next to me.

It wasn't working. The television changed the sound of his voice. It sounded less honest, less pure.

Less like he was talking to just me.

"I had to change the song I was originally going to sing."

I made myself look again. He was talking to the audience.

"So I don't have a Christmas song for you. But in a way, it's still a Christmas song. Because Christmas, ladies and gentlemen, is about loving the people around you, isn't it?"

This earned him a cheer from the audience.

And a cringe from me.

"And I love someone, people. But I kind of messed it up. You know how boys are, right?"

Another cheer. I heard Trish snicker something next to me, but I wasn't paying attention to her. All my attention was directed at Austin. It seemed like tunnel vision, and he was the only thing I saw.

Weird, how all those clichés I'd hated so much suddenly made sense to me.

"So I need to tell her I'm sorry. And I need to tell her I love her. But she isn't here, so I can't tell her."

He looked right at the camera, and it felt like he was looking right at me. And his eyes, like always, told a story.

But who was he talking to?

"Now I've never been good with words. I tried to write her a song, but I don't know if she'll see it. So if you see my girl, could you tell her that I love her?"

And then he started.

_"I know how it feels, to wake up without her.  
Lying here all alone, just thinking about her.  
I can't believe her hold on me,  
It's something indescribable.  
I think she knows, but won't you please;_

_If you see my girl,  
Just tell her I miss her smile.  
Tell her I'm counting the minutes,  
Gonna see her in a little while.  
I know when she holds on to me,  
She's the one thing I could never live without.  
And tell her I love her." _

"You know he's talking about you, right?" I heard Trish say, somewhere far away.

But he couldn't be. He hated me.

_"Every time I'm around her,  
I just go to pieces, crashing, tumbling to the ground.  
I'm so glad I found her, I know how it feels._

_So if you see my girl,  
Just tell her I miss her smile.  
Tell her I'm counting the minutes,  
Gonna see her in a little while._

_And tell her I love her."_

I tried to bite back the tears, but I couldn't stop them.

Austin smiled on screen, and then it went black with just two words left.

**Merry Christmas**_  
_

* * *

**Song: Tell her by Jesse Mccartney**

_I promise you guys I will have it ended before Christmas Eve, so stay tuned!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Merry Christmas**

Not for me.

I could feel everyone looking at me. Asking me, what the hell is wrong with you.

And I didn't know.

So I slowly got up, leaving the room.

The tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I could keep myself from having a full on fit.

For a little while, at least. So I grabbed my coat. It was time to go home.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" My dad stood in front of me, stopping me from leaving.

"I can't explain, right now, dad," I whispered, trying to stop my voice from shaking. "But I promise you I'll be alright. Just give me a little while."

And I could see in his eyes, in that moment, that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He nodded, and turned around, giving me the space I was asking for.

Because when mom left, that was exactly what he had been asking for.

I stepped outside, the cold hitting me like a slap from an iceberg. I shuddered, but the fresh air in my face did help with the suffocating lump in my throat.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I was standing just outside the garden, on the pavement, feeling the cold, feeling the silence.

Feeling alone.

But that was okay. Because I liked being alone.

Although he had made me realize that although I liked being alone, I didn't fancy ending up alone.

But for now, alone was okay. Alone was good.

Because he wasn't here. And he was the only one I wanted around.

"Ally."

I squeezed my eyes tighter shut. I was even imagining his voice now. I needed to get a grip, or I would literally lose it.

"Ally."

A soft touch, my hand against another hand… And I suddenly forgot how to breath.

That electric shock I felt creep up my arm, that wasn't a dream. That was familiar. Slowly, I opened my eyes.

And he was right there.

And I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, looking at him.

Was I dreaming? Dying, perhaps? They always said that when you died, you saw the people you cared about most, and it seemed so real.

Maybe I was dying. Did I slip and hit my head? Maybe somebody shot me. That happened quick, right? You could totally be shot without noticing it, if you died immediately.

"But you're in New York," I finally whispered.

Austin shook his head, his eyes doing the thing where it felt like they were smiling.

"That was a tape. I knew I had to get to you."

He took my hands in his. It felt so familiar. So right.

"I'm so sorry Ally," he said softly.

And then I realized that this was actually happening. I hadn't been shot. I didn't die. He was standing here, right in front of me, and I had gotten my second chance.

I couldn't let him get away.

Again.

So I started talking, the words leaving my mouth before I could process them. They got out because they needed to. They got out because they were fighting for something.

For someone.

"Oh my god, Austin I'm so sorry! I messed everything up. I know I should have told you, but I was so scared that you would misunderstand! I never actually meant to use you for anything, or I did, but that was when I disliked you, and then I started liking you and I never wanted to…"

I stopped talking. He had gotten so close, a small smile playing around his lips.

"Has someone ever told you that you talk too much?"

I could almost touch his nose with mine, if I just got a little closer…

And then I didn't have to, because he had.

His lips were on mine, and I could do nothing else but melt into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him as close as I could.

Because I wasn't letting him get away.

Not again.

When I pulled away, searching for breath, I kept my arms around his neck, my nose against his. I smiled.

His hand moved to mine, and I felt something unfamiliar being pushed into my hand. It was a piece of paper.

I immediately recognized it. It was the song, I wrote for Austin.

_I just wanna tell you I love you, but it's the hardest thing to say._

_Because ever since I met you, I haven't been really good with words._

"You don't have to find a way to tell me, anymore, Ally. I know now," he said softly, "and I love you too."

I don't know where it came from, but I giggled.

"Kind of a Christmas miracle, huh?"

His familiar smirk appeared on his face, but this time, it wasn't annoying.

It was exactly what I needed.

"I thought you didn't believe in Christmas miracles?" he muttered.

And right before he kissed me again, I whispered:

"And yet, here you are."


	18. Epiloque

*Austins POV*

The sun was creeping through the curtains. I groaned as I turned on my side, the bed cracking under my movement.

Sun on Christmas. Of course. Welcome in Miami.

The beam of sunlight was shining right on Ally's face, highlighting the beauty that was always there. Her eyes were closed, her hair sprawled over the pillow.

I smiled, sneaking my hand around her shoulder so I could make little circles on her skin.

She had once told me she liked waking up that way.

I put my face a little closer to her. She looked so beautiful and peaceful while she slept.

But it was time to wake up.

Because it was Christmas, and I was hungry.

"Ally," I whispered. Her eyelids fluttered. She always woke up from the littlest sound. Unlike me.

"Psst, Als, wake up." I pushed my nose against her cheek, followed by my lips, kissing her softly.

She giggled.

Oh, how I loved that sound.

"You're like a puppy," she muttered, her voice still thick with sleep. "They lick you when they want attention too."

Demonstrating, I licked her cheek. She squealed, turning around, her back towards me.

"Al-ly," I whined, dragging the l's.

"I'm hungry."

"Merry Christmas to you too," she said softly, facing me again. I pulled her close to me, kissing her softly but passionately.

Sparks still flew, like that night outside her dad's house.

On Christmas, just last year.

Christmas was always a special time, but since last year, it was extra special.

It wasn't just a holiday anymore, it was a celebration of the day I got the girl that changed my life.

I wanted to make sure she knew I still remembered that. Remembered everything, really. I brought my lips to her ear.

_"I´ve got a feeling  
This year´s for me and you  
So happy Christmas  
I love you baby."_

I sang so softly, that even Ally could barely hear me. But she could hear me. I could tell by the smile and the blush, which almost always appeared together when it was regarding something I said or did.

I loved that I could make her blush.

"That's cheesy." She turned to me. "But sweet."

"Merry Christmas. Pancakes?" I put on my puppy eyes. She never knew how to say no to those.

She nodded.

"In a minute. Austin, I want to show you something." Her voice turned serious, and I shot up immediately.

"Is something wrong?" I urged.

"What? No. It's just… I had a dream last night." She turned her head a little, pushing it in her pillow.

Her blush had just disappeared, but now she was blushing again. I smirked. Like I said. Cute.

"About what?"

"You. And me. I… uhm, I sang you a song."

I placed my hand on her back, continuing my circles.

"You know you don't have to sing for me. You have stage fright, I get that, Ally."

She still wrote songs, of course. Mostly for me, but I knew she sometimes wrote for herself too.

She just never sang them when she knew I was home. Or even remotely close to home, for that matter.

"But I want to." Her voice was barely audible, and for a second, I was afraid I might have misheard her.

"You want to…sing for me?"

She nodded.

"I wrote a song just yesterday, because it was our anniversary and all, and I wanted to sing it to you as a gift, but I got… distracted."

I couldn't help but smile when last night's memories came back. Distracted was one way of putting it.

She smiled too.

"But I want to sing it to you now. Because if I don't do it now I will never do it, and I think you really need to hear this song."

Putting action to her words, she got out of bed, put on one of my T-shirts, that I'd left on the ground the previous evening, and walked to the piano that was in her bedroom.

I watched her for a while, from bed. She just sat there, looking utterly perfect in my shirt.

I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

I didn't deserve someone as amazing as Ally. And yet, here she was.

And to think I could've ruined it all. I wouldn't have any of the memories of the last year.

My career was going amazing, which was partly thanks to Trish, who was my new manager so my mom could get some rest.

Without Ally, Trish wouldn't be my manager.

But, I realized, as I watched Ally play with her hair, even if all those amazing things would have happened, they wouldn't have meant as much without Ally.

Her being there made all the good times great, and all the bad times bearable.

I'd give it all up for her. All of the things that happened, it didn't matter without her. The sun wouldn't shine and the sky wouldn't be blue, if I couldn't be with her.

Shaken from my thought by the sound of a piano note, I shot into some clothes, just boxers and a T-shirt, and sat next to her on the piano bench.

Her fingers danced over the keys, not pressing any, not making a sound.

I felt like I needed to tell her that she didn't have to do this, that I understood why she hadn't sang to me like I did to her all the time.

But on the other hand, I really wanted to hear what she wrote. And I wanted to hear her sing it.

"I love you, Als," I muttered, sitting closer to her. She smiled. She turned at me, looking at me, and I skipped a breath.

Still happened all the time, too.

"I love you too," she said softly. I placed my hand on her waist, as she started playing.

And then, she started singing. And it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. As I listened, my smile grew wider, as I realized that I really was the luckiest guy in the world.

And I realized she was right: I had needed to hear this.

The girl I loved, the most amazing girl in the world, was sitting right next to me, telling me how much she loved me too.

_"When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for,  
When someone walks into your heart, like an open door,  
When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold,  
Don't let go." _

I tightened my grip on her waist. I could tell she meant every word she sang, and it was all for me.

Her words were getting through. I heard them, loud and clear. But she shouldn't worry. I wasn't letting her go.

Ever.

_"Someone comes into your world,  
suddenly your world, has changed forever._

_There's no one else's eyes,  
That could see into me.  
No one else's arms can lift me up so high.  
Your love lifts me out of time,  
And you know my heart by heart._

_When you're with the one you were meant to find,  
everything falls into place, all the stars align._

_So now we've found our way to find each other.  
So now I've found my way, to you._

_No there's no one else's eyes,  
That could see into me._

_No there's no one else's eyes,  
That could see into me.  
No one else's arms can lift me up so high.  
Your love lifts me out of time,  
And you know my heart by heart._

_Yes, you know my heart by heart."_

The piano sounds died out. Ally stared at her hands, blushing lightly. I knew she was waiting for me to talk.

To tell her what I thought.

But I couldn't say anything. Looking at her, I suddenly felt like I'd lost my ability to speak.

Do you ever look at someone, or something, and feel like your love for them consumes you, in a totally not creepy way? Sometimes I feel like that, even when I just think about her.

It feels like you want to cry, and scream, and smile, and just hug that person for the rest of eternity. Instead, you just smile a goofy smile, praise yourself lucky and promise yourself you'll always take care of her.

I couldn't tell her that. Because it sounded silly. But I knew, in some way, that she knew all of it already.

She could feel it.

Just like I could feel her love. Through the song she just sang, it became even more clear that she cared about me as much as I cared about her, even though I would never understand how.

Because she was perfect, and I was not.

But even though the song reminded me again of how much she cared about me, I had always known.

From the way I caught her looking at me sometimes, when I was playing guitar or piano. And she just sat there, looking at me, lost in thought, smiling.

From the way she laughed when I said somthing no one else would find remotely funny, but seemed to crack her up every time.

From the way she would cuddle into my arms at night, draping them around her like a blanket, when she thought I was asleep.

"You're awfully silent," Ally said softly, bringing me back to earth.

Instead of answering, I pulled her into me, burying my face in her neck, holding onto her for dear life.

Because sometimes, my thoughts became so tangled, and I couldn't understand myself anymore, and I felt like I was losing my mind.

Ally said it was the downside of having a creative soul.

And holding her, inhaling her scent, was the only thing that made sense to me.

When I was younger, I had said music was the only thing that made sense to me. And then I'd met Ally. And suddenly, the world seemed to make a little more sense every time she smiled at me.

"Please tell me what's wrong," Ally whispered in my ear. She was stroking my hair like I was a little kid crying into his mom's shoulder. "Was it my song?"

Her voice was trembling and I could tell she was freaking out.

"No, Als, your song was amazing. You sounded amazing. Everything was amazing," I told her. I could hear her sigh, relieved.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Why should something be wrong?" I responded, still not letting her go.

"Because you're only silent when you're sad."

She knew me better than I knew myself. She was right about that: she knew my heart by heart.

But I knew that the same was true the other way around. Everything she meant to me, I meant to her. And that was the only thing I needed to know in life.

I let her go, kissing her cheek softly. She looked a little confused and mostly worried. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, unsure as to why we were smiling.

I took her hands in mine. It was time to start Christmas. I was going to make it the best day ever.

For her. And for us.

"I'm also silent when I'm really, really happy. And just know that that type of silence will always be for you."

I kissed her, and I could feel her smile into the kiss, like she did so often. I pulled back, watching her smile, and I poked her side, making her squeal.

"Now, how about those pancakes?"

* * *

**Song: Heart by Heart by Demi Lovato**


	19. Author's note

_Hello loves, _

_So this was it! I wanted to apologize for the fact that in the end, everything went quite fast. I kind of forgot about the time and I wanted it up completely before Christmas Eve. I hope you like the turnout none the less._

_Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, I really enjoyed writing this story. If you haven't yet, please tell me what you thought of it._

_So for now, all that is left to do is to wish you guys a very very merry Christmas! _

_Love, Lou._


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